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“We?”
“Wipe that skeptical expression off your face. I saidwebecause as much as I know you’ll fight me on this, you need her way more than I do.”
I push away the rest of my lunch and fold my arms. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
How did we stray to discussing me? My skin begins to tingle in discomfort. The desire to scratch at the imaginary itch takes over. The reason is obvious to me. I don’t like where this conversation is going or the additional concerns popping up in my head.
Every day since Shinji’s demands regarding Lakeshia brings extra reasons for my reluctance, but I’m powerless to do anything about my doubts. I’m not one to break a promise, especially to Shinji.
“You wish I were wrong. That’s different from throwing assumptions around.” Shinji circles the table to crouch beside me and take my hands in his.
Heat from his textured palm seeps into me, providing welcome comfort.
“Keishi, ask yourself why you didn’t go cold last night after she swallowed the cum you’d laid claim to. In every other situation, you would freeze somebody out for messing up your plans.”
“I’d never freeze you out,” I say, folding my arms defensively.
He smiles softly. “No, you wouldn’t. And I believe somewhere inside you lies the knowledge that you won’t do it with her, either.”
“We don’t know her. Already, her presence has disrupted our lives.”
Shinji sighs and aims a pitying frown at me.“And? Keishi, you are just being contrary by limiting our knowledge of her with time. This is a great occasion for you to stretch a little and be more impulsive. Embrace the experience and stop dissecting what it will or won’t do to us.”
“Stop trivializing my feelings.” I pull away from him, squelching the emptiness replacing the residual warmth of his touch.
“I’m not. Listen, you may not want to admit this out of some misguided thought that she’ll diminish what you and I have. She can’t.”
Although reassuring, his words do nothing to prevent the worry that has been simmering all morning from finally boiling over.
“You say that now, but you’ll begin to feel differently once she’s pregnant. You’ll want more kids and she’ll inevitably fall in love with you. How can she not? You wanted to make sure she continues to play a part in the child’s life. Her presence will get between us the next time you ask her for another child and I’m incapable of fulfilling that need for you.”
“Stop looking for trouble where it doesn’t exist.” Shinji pats my knee. “You’re my husband, for now and always.”
Despite Shinji’s reassurance, the tiny voice in my head won’t stop reminding me of the way he held her before I joined them in bed last night. The picture they made as my husband shared his deepest desires and Lakeshia offered a glimpse into the empty life she led embedded itself in my head. They favored a husband and wife who’d been married for more years than Shinji and I.
I overlooked the intimacy of the moment last night to remind Shinji of my place in his life. However, even now, I can’t relegate Lakeshia to the role I want her to play.
Her defiance, so much like Shinji’s but more unfettered, is intoxicating and beyond my expectations, let alone his. I don’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll survive if she replaces me in Shinji’s heart.
CHAPTER 9
Lakeshia
If I ever thought I was cut out to be a homemaker, the hours I’ve spent idling the day away in Shinji and Takeshi’s home disabuses me of ever thinking so again.
Domesticity isn’t my bag.
And being surrounded by reminders of Shinji and Takeshi’s blissful married life only unsettles me. Reminds me of what I’ve lost and will never achieve for myself. I once lived in a warm home with a father who desperately thought I did no wrong and shamelessly spoiled me. He probably wanted me as much as Shinji wants a child from my body now.
I pace until I reach the French doors opening to the backyard, but the change of scenery doesn’t stop my thoughts from rehashing last night’s events. As I stroll the spacious lawn, I question why I’m so conflicted.
Helping Shinji come doesn’t concern me as much as the connection I started to feel between the three of us. In my world, sex lacks genuine emotion. It’s an outlet for negative thoughts, stress, and just to feel alive. It also never requires me to sharea bed for an entire night with someone, a self-imposed rule I implemented years ago.
But last night held more than the physical and although I can’t put my finger on what the more is, it’s fucking me all the way up right now. Try as I might, I can’t picture Shinji and Takeshi as johns.
They are too in sync with my needs. They’re too much…everything. Beautiful in their contrasts. Even Takeshi’s dragon tattoo, albeit different from Shinji’s, complements his husband’s in a way that shows their perfection as a couple while they couldn’t be more different as individuals.
No, johns they definitely are not. I bet even if I tried to pigeonhole them into the role, they would object.
