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Notes of tuberose and vanilla surround me, and I inhale, filling my lungs. We’re in Lakeshia’s she-asis. Soft R&B music about love and heartache plays from the built-in speakers. Lakeshia stretches out, and I rest my head on her lap.
Now that Paul is dead, days like these will end. Soon, Katsuo will demand Takeshi and I resume our duties. Until then, I’ll take advantage of every day by spending all my time with Lakeshia. She has yet to complain about my constant presence, and I’ll never tire of talking, holding, and just soaking in her presence.
Lakeshia lightly scratches my scalp, and I can almost forget about the scabs underneath my slowly regrowing locks. The tingly sensation zings through my body, awakening nerves that remind me I’m alive and with the woman who shares my love. My problem is, there’s guilt and memories from a past I left behind accompanying these sensations. And every time I look in the mirror, my recollections grow bolder and louder, overshadowing what should be a happy time.
The Giametti threat is over. I’m supposed to be in my celebration era. Lakeshia’s pregnant and we’re a few months away from fulfilling my dream of expanding our family.
Yes, I have concerns specific to Lakeshia’s health, but Takeshi has taken steps to ensure the best outcome. Although still early in the pregnancy, Lakeshia now has a full-spectrum doula who’ll live with us until our wife no longer exhibits worrying postpartum symptoms, though I hope she doesn’t experience any. She has an expert medical team worth a fortune. And Takeshi ensures their dedication with reminders that if we lose our wife or baby, they’ll suffer commensurate losses.
I should be overjoyed. Iamoverjoyed. Yet my joy comes with a bittersweet bite and ghosts from my past leeching my pleasure.
I roll, pushing my nose into Lakeisha’s stomach and I hug her waist.
“Shinji?” Her hand rests on my head, no longer scraping my scalp.
I hug her closer, not yet willing to dampen her day with my issues. After so many years of suppressing these emotions, why must they come up now? They pale compared to what Takeshi and Lakeshia have had to overcome.
“Give me a minute.” I bury my face in her belly, trying to connect with the baby inside because if I succeed, everything else will be fine. I’ll continue to act as if life is perfect until life gets in line.
I don’t care if my behavior seems childish. When have I ever?
Lakeshia pushes at my shoulder until I release her, rolling onto my back with a defeated sigh. She peers down at me. Lines mar her beautiful forehead. “Something’s going on with you.”
I open my mouth but she presses a finger on my lips before I can respond.
“I don’t want to hear an excuse. You obviously don’t want to talk, so let’s do something else.”
I quirk my brow at her. “Like what?”
“Retail therapy? We can ooh and ahh and buy all the baby stuff to fill the need you aren’t able to address.”
I caress her stomach. Maybe shopping is the answer. “I like that idea. Let’s go.” I bounce out of bed and usher her out of the house.
We arrive at a baby boutique in the heart of downtown Serenidad. It’s in the most luxurious shopping district. Maybe I’ll use this trip to buy Lakeshia and Takeshi something special, too.
“We probably shouldn’t go overboard…” Lakeshia strokes a soft gender-neutral onesie, a dreamy smile on her face and longing in her voice.
“You’re right.” I touch the light pink one next to her. “But cost and space aren’t issues. The house is big enough to make three nurseries.”
“Shinji!”
I stare at her with a raised brow. “Do you expect me to talk you out of buying something you like? Because as long as we’ve been together if you think I have an ounce of self-restraint in my body, I must be doing something wrong.”
Lakeshia rolls her eyes and smiles. “I’m thinking of Takeshi.”
“Good point. He’s probably already ordered everything for the nursery.”
She spins around with her mouth open in horror. “He wouldn’t! Would he? I mean, he likes to take initiative, but he wouldn’t shut us out on the decorating, right?”
“He’s more than capable, but considering how huge this is for our family, he might practice restraint. He is the master of self-control after all,” I huff, although I love when I’m the one under his command.
“True. I bet he’ll research everything to death and when we sit down to plan, he’ll steer us to the safest options.” Lakeshiapicks up another gender-neutral item, a romper, and hands it to our shopping assistant quietly standing off to the side.
The aide scans it and confirms the size before stepping back and blending into the background.
We continue to the next display.
“Ooh, there’s a mommy section.”
