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Zakiya
Time loses its meaning after Dusan’s departure. To be honest, I was stuck in limbo, my body shaking in terror, the moment he said my name. I miss the goodbyes and the ride home, lost in a terror of my making.
Sansone gently shaking my shoulders rouses me enough to leave the car. I catch the concerned look he shares with Mattia and Aurelio, but I’m in a pre-breakdown stage and can’t be around anyone right now. I leave Jinx’s bedtime ritual to Sansone and escape to my special closet.
Sitting in the space, the setup no longer works for me. I start to reorganize everything by season, designer, color, and every little detail I can add to recreate the ordered life I need. I spend hours in the room, not realizing tears are pouring down my face until strong arms turn me into a firm embrace.
“I’ve got you.” Sansone cups my cheek and forces me to look at his blurry face.
“I know.” At his skeptical look, I add, “I do, promise.”
“Sure you aren’t planning your escape while you create an OCD person’s oasis in here?” He glances at the room where a third still has the old system, a third has a new arrangement, andthe last third has an order of its own, waiting until I combine it with the new method.
I take his hand in mine. “I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss his knuckles and he takes a swift breath in.
“Good.” He swallows thickly, then clears his throat. “We have some planning to do.”
“You’re talking my language. I’m a sucker for a good plan.” I square my shoulders. “I also have some updates from Omari.” I share with him what we discussed, leaving nothing out.
“There are a lot of variables to think about based on what Omari found. Before then, we have your punishment to discuss.” He takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom.
“Can I choose?” I ask, willing to delay anything to do with Dusan for tomorrow. Saturday’s sleeplessness and today’s run-in have caught up with me. Exhaustion pulls at my limbs.
He glances back at me. “Maybe another time.” Instead of the bed, he leads me to the chairs overlooking the front of the house and sits me down.
“I don’t think the neighbors would approve of us having sex in front of this window.”
My joke falls flat in the ensuing silence.
“Five years.”
“I’m sorry?”
“I need five years to get over my anger.” His cryptic words make zero sense to me. He smoothes my brow wrinkled in confusion. “Promise you won’t run from me for five years, barring you do anything else to upset me.”
“Let me get this straight. My punishment is staying with you for five years because I didn’t tell you where I was going?”
“And you placed yourself in danger.” He nods to himself. “Yep, the danger trumps you not following my rules.”
I settle against my chair’s backrest and fold my arms. “If this is a punishment, that means you intend to make me suffer.”
Sansone gives me a wolfish smile, causing my body to react. “Only in ways to make you ache so good.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I’m ready to agree to anything, but one thing trips me up. I scrutinize Sansone, trying to understand what I find unfathomable about him. “You do that a lot.”
“What?”
“When you threaten me, it’s always with a good time. And no matter what I do, you accept me, flaws and all. Don’t get me wrong.” I raise my hand to stop him from interrupting. “I don’t hate it, but I can’t help but feel there’s an imbalance between us. You do so much for me, what do I do for you?”
Sansone takes my hand and pulls until I lurch forward and he settles me on his lap. “You remember the day we met, I freaked out on you?”
“Threatening to kill me was a freakout?”
He squeezes my waist. “Ragazzaccia, you brought out a fear in me. When you presented Jinx, it was like you held a mirror up to me and I saw my father staring at me. He was a man who controlled and terrorized his kids through selective neglect and threats.”
I rest my head against his shoulder to stare at him. “What changed?”
“You.”
