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Max rolls over and rests her head on her arm while peering down at me. “Girl, you might be the odd duck that falls once. You sure you aren’t interested in marrying him?”
“I haven’t known him long enough.”
“What does that mean?” She laughs. “People fall in love and marry after one meeting.”
“Whoa, when did like become love?” I rise in a partial panic.
“Are you saying you’d consider marriage without love?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.He’s said nothing about love.” I stand and pace the bed. Why is talking about this so hard? Do I need the words? Do I want them? Can I accept them… a marriage when there’s a major piece of me I can never share with Sansone?
Max mulls over my words. “What do his actions say? Don’t get me wrong, a man who says I love you is a panty wetter inthe making. But sometimes, those words come too easy for some men and they dilute the meaning of the word.”
I reflect on Sansone’s actions over the last few days. They speak of possession, an almost unhealthy obsession with me, and an uncanny way of seeing me that allows him to give me what I need.
“Seems like he’s given you a lot to think about,” Max says, standing up. “Until you figure out what you want, don’t reject the possibility.”
“We’ll see.”
Max pats my shoulder and leaves me to consider our discussion in silence, but I don’t have the luxury. Jinx is downstairs, maybe overstimulated from all the neighbors focussing their attention on her.
Jinx is another reason to consider marriage to Sansone. He’s dangled motherhood over my head and I want to grasp it so badly. Unlike Sansone, Jinx knows some of what I’m capable of. I couldn’t hide the truth when I rescued her, and I will always regret her first glimpse into my darkness. Although I desperately want to establish a bond with Jinx that extends beyond a temporary stint in her life, I can’t justify doing so after I’ve inflicted additional trauma on her.
So while Sansone tempts me with wifehood, motherhood, and a family, I’ll rip out my feelings to continue to deny him. I take a deep, shaky breath, knowing resisting Sansone won’t be easy.
After everyone leaves and Sansone and I put Jinx to bed, I settle in my living room to soak up the peace in my house. Witheverything he offers in that giant house of his, nothing soothes me as much as the way the evening quiet settles in the walls.
Sansone enters the room, his presence narrowing the place until he fills up the air with his quiet vitality. “Today was a novel experience. I wonder how many of your neighbors know of your bloodthirsty tendencies.” He smiles before pulling me from my chair and taking the seat before resettling me on his lap and burying his face in the side of my neck. “God, you always smell so good.”
I lean my head away, giving Sansone more access to nuzzle me. Although I can’t commit the way he wants, I can’t pass up the simple pleasures either. I blame my selfishness on the newness of my experiences with him.
“How good is your hacker at finding other hackers?”
I tense, wondering if he knows about Omari and the person he’s trying to find for me.
“Someone attacked my warehouse and killed everyone there. My man found traces of a system breach, but can’t seem to locate the perpetrator. Is this something your person can do?”
I contemplate whether to share Omari as a resource. He’ll be yet another connection Sansone can exploit to learn more about me. Then again, I’ve volunteered information about myself without Sansone demanding it.
“Are you sure you want my guy in your systems? He could access and steal everything you’ve got.”
“Hmm,” he murmurs. “That would be a consideration if you didn’t trust him. And since I trust you, I don’t see a problem.”
My heart flutters at his faith in me. If we had met before and Jinx wasn’t in the picture, I would have robbed him blind. But now, I want to help.
“Omari is working on a project for me, but I’ll ask him to look into your systems.”
“Thank you.” He presses his lips against the pulse in my neck. “Something tells me this won’t be the first time Omari’s been in my files.”
I pull away to glare at him. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing about me surprises you. As if you’re privy to private information.” Sansone swipes my hair over my shoulder. “And I now know who supplied you with my data.”
“You can’t go after him.” I put as much threat in my voice as I can muster, considering my body is staging a minor revolt since I tried brushing off my response to his lips against my skin. In a spot that still feels the residual heat and pressure.
There’s good reason for me to remain level-headed, but my body is full of hormones with one goal in mind: finishing what we started before Max interrupted us.
Sansone chuckles, causing my body to clench at the underlying dark power in his humor. “He’ll be doing me a favor. I have no reason to retaliate against him. If anything, I should thank him. He’s the reason I don’t have to explain shit away or put a flowery spin on what I do to make myself more attractive to you. You’ve already seen my ugly, and you like me despite it.”
