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Aurelio studies me like an entomologist differentiating the species of bug family I belong to. “Whatever secrets you’re hiding, you need to come clean.”
“Easier said than done.”
If I were a well-adjusted adult, his advice would make sense, but I’m anything but well-adjusted. A few hours of morning sex and a confession have me wanting to crawl out of my skin. I still don’t know why I offered Sansone the story about a predatory preying on a single mother and her daughter. No one knows this story. Not Max, Omari, or Yemaya. Yet Sansone asks a question, one I could have deflected or lied about, but I didn’t.
Why didn’t I lie to him?
And worse, why was he so accepting after he learned I’ve been a murderer since my youth?
“Pull over,” I say to the driver.
“We’re on the highway.” He glances at me through the rear-view mirror, concern furrowing his brow.
“I don’t care.” I move to tug on the door, but Aurelio intercepts me.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The heat in his voice belies the growing concern on his face.
“Five minutes. I need five fucking minutes.” I stare at him as close to letting my eyes plea for me as I’ve gotten with anyone.
Without taking his gaze off me, he tells the driver, “Pull over on the shoulder.”
As soon as the car pulls to a stop, I jet out of the car, Aurelio on my heels. I spin around to glare at him. “Can’t I be alone for the five minutes I need before you’re in my face again?”
He looks toward the highway on both sides. Our placement isn’t ideal. The driver should have pulled off the exit a few feet behind us and found a safe place. Sansone has a lot of training to do with this one.
“I’ll give you two minutes.” Aurelio leans against the car to wait for me.
I hug myself and walk toward the exit ramp. When I get near, I begin to sprint.
“The fuck!” Aurelio yells from behind.
I have seconds to ditch him, and I haul ass down the road and under the dark overpass. I turn a corner and find a spot to hide. Moments later, he dashes by my location, but I wait. I’m not going anywhere until I watch him return to the car. He retraces his steps about a half-dozen times, peppering the air with the vilest curses against me.
Aurelio pulls his phone from a pocket and makes a call. “She gave me the goddam slip!” He says more as he walks away, but the passing cars from above make it difficult to hear the further away he gets.
Once he gets into the car and pulls away, I sigh, but the relief is missing. I’m not doing well, and I need the things I rely on to recenter myself before these negative emotions grow into a craving I can no longer manage. Omari hasn’t reached out with information for new trafficking rings, and I’d rather not discover what I’ll do when my options are nonexistent.
I find my way home, sneaking in through the back to avoid the neighbors. They don’t deserve to be subjected to what might happen if I can’t return my equilibrium. Tunnel vision consumes me, only one destination, one activity will calm me.
Inside my glamor closet, I take my first calm breath. There’s something about fashion that helps calm the soul. It worked for Jinx during so much upheaval, and it has always centered me.
Surrounded by gorgeous brands from lesser-known designers, Junny, House of Aama, and Dur Doux, to global names like Givenchy, Hermès, and Dior, I mix and match pieces until I build an outfit. Now I’m ready to start my ritual by setting the tone. I pull up my favorite playlist before drawing a bath to luxuriate in the silky suds. When my skin feels pampered enough by the hot water and moisturizing bath bomb, I sit before my vanity to begin my work, transforming my fresh makeup-free face to an understated neutral look that slaps.
By the time I don the full-length skirt and crop top, I’m feeling myself and the lack of control I experienced earlier becomes more of a distant memory.
Not even my phone blowing up with calls and texts can sour my mood, although I’ll have to come up with something for the next time I see Sansone. His next punishment might land me in the same situation that got me here, and there isn’t enough energy in the world to keep seesawing back and forth.
CHAPTER 19
Sansone
Restlessness eats away at me the longer Zakiya is away. Something felt off as I watched her drive off. Am I applying too much pressure too fast? It’s possible. Nothing about our situation is normal for me. My usual ability to detach and strategize is rarely in evidence when we’re in the same room.
I turn to the house hoping Zakiya will rush home as I requested. From the entrance, Mattia jogs out to meet me, a phone in his hand. “Boss, Jamal’s on the line. Said he’s been calling you.”
I pat my pockets, looking for my phone. While getting together as a family, I must have left it in the house. Another uncharacteristic slip, but one I won’t beat myself up about. Time spent with Jinx and Zakiya is becoming my favorite pastime.
Mattia hands me the phone.
