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“Ragazzaccia, I’m not afraid of you having a weapon, however, I’d like to know why you sleep with one.”
She stops struggling, and after a few seconds of silent debate, she says, “It was a gift from my father.”
Something about the stillness in her body tells me she isn’t ready to be released. She’s too rigid, almost to the point of being brittle. I hug her harder.
“Is there a reason you don’t keep it with you during the day? The first knife you drew on me is different.”
In a small voice, so unlike the self-assured woman I’ve come to admire, she whispers, “It’s for monsters who lurk in the shadows.” Her unfocused eyes stare over my shoulder.
Several emotions spread through me as my imagination creates a narrative to fill the silence with what she doesn’t say. “How old were you when you used the dagger against your first monster?”
The silence stretches, and I’m about to let the subject go for another time, but she shudders and begins. “A year after my daddy disappeared, my mother started dating again. I was sixteen and in high school. Late one night, her boyfriend snuck into my room. He told me not to worry about my mother becausehe gave her something to help her sleep, and no amount of noise was going to wake her.”
A frantic light enters Zakiya’s eyes. “He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and I wasn’t going to let him put his filthy hands on me. I took care of him. Whatever drug he gave my mother worked because she woke up the next day after I’d cleaned everything.”
“Porco Dio!”
She smiles but there is no joy in her eyes nor pleasure in her display of teeth. “Now do you understand? When I say this thing betw?—”
“Zakiya, give me five fucking seconds to process what you said before trying to convince me we don’t belong together.”
“But—”
“But nothing.” I cup her face and press our foreheads together. “What you did, you did to survive and protect your mom when she should have been the one protecting you. That doesn’t disqualify you from becoming my wife or Jinx’s mother. If anything, it makes you a shoo-in for the role.”
Her lips part, but no words pass. Her disbelief is palpable, but I’m not a weak-hearted bitch who’ll stop at the first sign of resistance when I know she’s fighting herself more than she’s fighting me.
“I stashed more in other parts of the house in case of emergencies,” she confesses in a small voice.
I chuckle. “Of course you did. And if you need to pull one on me again, we’ll just have a repeat of tonight.”
CHAPTER 18
Zakiya
Getting Jinx ready for her first day of school is more nerve racking than it should be. All because Sansone won’t give me the air I need to breathe. If it’s not dropping marriage references, it’s calling me Jinx’s mother in front of the little girl who bounces in place every time he says it.
I don’t have the heart to tell her it will never happen, but I can’t allow her to keep believing the fairytale Sansone paints for her.
His self-satisfied grin is a sure sign he won’t stop. Defeated for the moment, I make sure Jinx has everything she needs before we leave. After we brush our teeth together—Sansone insists on this routine—he walks us to the waiting car outside. Aurelio holds the door open for us, and Jinx bounds inside with her stuffed bear. She seems to rely on the toy when she’s unfamiliar with her surroundings.
As I advance to follow her into the car, Sansone grabs my hand and swings me into his arms to snatch the air from my lungs with a mind-shattering kiss, leaving me to support myself on weakened knees.
“Rush home and I’ll make it worth your while.” He ushers me into the car, and I realize we’ve had an audience. He leaves me with one last caress down my arm before briefly entangling our fingers and letting go.
My body is on high alert, tuned to his presence and already anticipating a reward for being so close to him. I can’t explain what’s happening to me other than my body is going haywire and I need a hard reboot.
Jinx bounces in her booster and Aurelio shakes his head in disgust, but who he’s directing his judgment toward is a fifty-fifty gamble at this point. And with the way I feel about myself, I wouldn’t blame him for loathing me.
We pull off, leaving Sansone standing in the driveway. Despite having my back turned to him, his stare penetrates the car to continue the caress he stopped whether because we had an audience or because he didn’t want us to drop Jinx off too late.
During the drive, I try to distract myself and Jinx by reminding her of all the cool amenities we saw on the school visit. As a diversion from my more problematic thoughts surrounding her father, the conversation grants me a reprieve.
By the time I drop Jinx off with her new counselor, the cracks in my facade are slowly fissuring everywhere.
“You can’t run from him, you know.” Aurelio glares at me from across the car. “And I won’t stand by while you hurt him.”
“Hurting Sansone and Jinx are the last things I want to do. I’ve told him… You and I can probably agree we don’t like the direction he’s moving me and him toward. So what do you suggest I do?”
