Page 23 of Promise You Forever
“When’s the last time you paid yourself?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
She sets her half-eaten piece of pizza down and turns toward me. “This ranch is my responsibility now.” Her eyes burn with a myriad of emotions. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I need you to answer my questions so I can find my footing here.”
The slight twitch in her left eye is what causes me to cave. She doesn’t need me adding to her stress, even though I’m not taking a dime from her. “My last paycheck was in April of last year.” I gesture around the room. “I quit paying myself when I moved in here to help Jo with Paul.”
“That’s nearly eighteen months.”
“Listen.” I set my plate on the coffee table and lean back, angling my body toward hers on the couch. “I have more money than I’ll ever need, and it just keeps compounding every year. I don’t need to work to live. I do all this because I love it, and I love Paul and Jo.”
She clenches her jaw and looks away from me, her nostrils flaring as she sniffs. My chest caves in on itself watching her fight back her emotions. I want to tell her she can cry, that her feelings are safe with me, but I’m afraid that assertion would ring hollow to her ears.
“He had a good day today.” She clears her throat and takes a drink. “We played cards for a few hours and talked about Grams.” She rolls her lips inward as she fights for composure. “Then he placed his hands over mine and told me it’s time for him to go to the care center. He said he wanted me to hear him on a day when he’s coherent enough to give me permission.”
Charlie whimpers and takes off after Eli when she jumps up and quickly runs toward the stairs. Her broken sob carries down to me, cutting me open from inside out. I want to run up there, kick her door open, and force her to let me comfort her. Three years ago, I would have, but she’s changed, she’s tougher, more self-assured. I can’t strong-arm my way past her walls.
Instead, I do all that I can and clean up our dinner quietly. Once the leftover pizza is put away, I check on Paul. He’s sleeping soundly, and when I check his pill container, the compartment for today is empty. I make sure his room is secure and then fill two glasses with ice water.
Bringing her one serves two purposes, one, I can check on her before I go to bed, and two, it helps her. After I set mine down in my room, I walk across the hall and knock on her door. She cracks it open and peers out at me with red-rimmed eyes.
“I brought you some water.” I hold out the peace offering.
She looks from it to me before reaching through the crack and accepting it. “Thank you.” Her voice is froggy, as if she’s been crying hard.
I give her what is probably a pathetic attempt of a smile and nod before turning back around.
“Not just for the water, but for everything else,” she adds.
I look over my shoulder at her. “Of course. Good night, Sunbeam.”
Her lips flatten at the use of the pet name, and she closes the door firmly but quietly.
The sight of Paul sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room the next morning wakes me right the fuck up. He’s fully dressed for a day of work, just rocking quietly as the gray light of dawn crawls across the valley. His attention turns from the view outside the window to me.
“Good morning.”
“Paul,” I say, my voice still groggy. “What are you doing?”
“I heard Eli crying last night. Did she tell you what I said yesterday?”
“She did.” I toss the covers off and swing my legs to the floor, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Is Jasmine here already?” I can’t remember the last time he was able to get himself ready completely on his own.
“No. It’s still early. My mind was clear as a bell yesterday, and it’s still clear today. I want to work my ranch with you today, and then we’re going to get the ball rolling on moving me into the center. It’s getting harder and harder to climb out of the confusion on my bad days. I want to save Eli from experiencing it.” His eyes never leave mine as he sits firm in his choice.
Affection and love tighten my chest as his words sink in. I know he’s going to hate leaving here. I’m going to hate being here without him. The loss of Jo hasn’t even sunk in yet, and here he is, thinking of Eli first. There’s no better man alive on earth than Paul Hart.
“Alright.” I stand and walk toward the closet, stopping to pat his shoulder. “Let’s get to work, then.”
Nine
ELI
“Are you eating enough?” Janey looks across the kitchen counter at me with the eagle eyes of a nurse turned mother. “You look a little gaunt.”
“Thanks,” I say dryly before turning my attention back to the sweet baby in my arms. Cooper’s big, blue eyes are framed by thick dark lashes as he looks up at me and yanks on my hair.
“I’m sorry, I’m just worried. You have so much on your plate right now.” She pushes a box of crackers toward me. “I don’t want you to stop taking care of yourself while you take care of everyone else.”
