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“I appreciate what you’re saying. I really do, but I was the one who kissed him first,” I say, trying to make her see sense.
“Did he or did he not pin you against the counter and murmur sweet nothings in your ear?” Mia crosses her arms.
“Sure, but?—”
“No more buts.”
“Why aren’t you listening to me?” I demand. “I was the one who couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I was teasing him and laughing with him like he was my friend instead of my teacher. I was the one who slipped up and said something sexual. I was the one wearing tight jeans and an inappropriate top under my apron. I made it impossible for him not to look at me in those clothes. I should have dressed more conservatively.
“Not to mention he gave me plenty of opportunity to stop things and keep him from risking his job. And what did I go and do? I kissed him instead of pushing him away. I encouraged him by the lack of control over my own behavior. It is entirely my fault he felt tempted to do what he did. I should have been better.”
I’m breathing hard like I just finished a race. My heart is racing along at a frightening pace and my face feels hot. I’m honestly surprised the entire diner isn’t staring at us after that outburst.
Great job, Avery. Your first night out with a friend in two years, and here you are having a very public tantrum. She’s definitely going to want to do this again.
Guilt floods my body.
“I’m sorry I screamed at you,” I say, hanging my head.
“Avery, you weren’t even anywhere close to screaming. You were barely louder than your regular speaking voice.”
My voice is small. “But I was mad at you.”
She smiles sadly at me.
“You had every right to be mad at me. I kept steamrolling over you. That was really shitty of me.”
“I still shouldn’t have been so mean to you even if I wasn’t yelling.”
“Your expressing a need is not even close to the same thing as being mean. You are allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to tell me when I’m doing something that upsets you. In fact, I expect you to do that because you’re my friend. Friends are supposed to be honest with each other with all their feelings, not just the happy ones.” She sighs. “I’m so sorry he made you feel like you couldn’t do that.”
Every time I feel like I’m doing better, something always comes along to remind me of how irreparably broken I am.
Why can’t I seem to step out from the long shadow Kyle and his family have cast over my life?
When is this ever going to end?
“I’ll do my best to remember that,” I promise her.
“And I promise to give you the space to talk. Is there anything else you wanted to say about it all, because there’s something I feel like I have to tell you.”
“I think that’s it. Go ahead.”
“You’re not responsible for any man’s actions. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or if you’re treating him like a friend or not. None of those things can make any man do anything they didn’t want to do already,” she says earnestly.
I dab at the tears welling up in my eyes.
“So help me, if you cry all that makeup off that I spent like forty-five minutes on?—”
“You’re going to turn the car around and go home?”
“Damn straight.”
We both burst into giggles.
“How is it you always know how to cheer me up?” I ask.
“It’s a gift.” Mia shrugs. “But seriously, it sounds like all that happened was two people who liked each other acting on those feelings. The fact that he waited and gave you space to change your mind tells me he’s a good guy. Sure, the teacher thing is a little dicey, but you’re both adults and it’s not like he’s the one who awards the certificate you’re going for. It goes to a review board, doesn’t it?”
