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He must have loved her so much.
It’s then that all the pieces fall into place. This is why he’s been so businesslike in the bedroom until today. That’s why he always struggles to voice any feelings he has, even though I can see them in his eyes.
I know I should be angry that he’s kept this from me, but I can’t seem to hold onto it. All I feel is compassion for him over the loss of the person he thought he’d spend his whole life with.
When he pulls away and wipes his eyes, I feel brave enough to ask the morbid question that’s been lurking in the corner of my mind.
“How did it happen?”
“She had a brain aneurysm. They found it when they… when they were trying to figure out what happened after she” —Jamie swallows hard— “After she passed. They said it was quick and she didn’t feel a thing.
“I felt everything. I really thought the grief was going to eat me alive. The only thing that got me through it was Phillip and Wesley dragging me out of the house. I leaned on them pretty hard, but it just never felt worth it to make that kind of connection with anyone again once I knew how quickly I could lose them. At least it hadn’t been until recently.”
The weight behind his words leaves me breathless. I don’t have the words to address it, so I go for the easier option.
“I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for you, losing someone so unexpectedly. I’m sorry.”
“We had a good ten years together.” He smiles sadly. “Honestly, my only real regret is that I’d put off having kids. I know it would have been hard to be a single parent—especially now that I’ve seen you and everything you do for Leo—but if that meant there was a little piece of her still on this earth, I like to think I could have done it.”
“I’m sure you would have done a great job—at least based on how you are with Leo. And it’s not so bad being a single parent. It’s far better than it would have been if my ex had been in the picture.”
“He’s never met Leo?” Jamie’s brows lift in surprise.
“Never wanted to. Even if he did, it would've been hard to manage after the judge stripped him of his parental rights.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could cram them back in.
I can see in his eyes that he’s got a white-knuckle grip on his self-control.
“Tell me what happened.”
“It’s not important.”
My hand unconsciously drifts to my belly, and before I can yank it away, he catches the movement. I see his face pale as he puts the pieces together.
“Where is he?” he demands.
“Please don’t make this a big deal. It’s over.”
“You were pregnant and he put his hands on you. There’s no bigger deal than that.”
“Just let it go. What would your wife say?” I ask in an attempt to defuse the situation.
“You think I’m bad?” He chuckles. “In the time it took us to have that conversation, she would have successfully hunted him down. Even if I had Wesley and Phillip to help me, we wouldn’t have been able to pull her off him.”
“She sounds like a passionate person.”
“I’d say it was more like she had a strong sense of justice. Whenever Julia saw something wrong in the world, she wouldn’t have a moment’s rest until she’d done everything she could to fix it.” His eyes drop to her headstone. “It was one of the things I loved about her.”
“Do you think she would have liked me?”
It’s a selfish question, but it slipped out before I could stop myself.
“I think so, but more importantly, I think she would have approved of you. To be honest, I’m not convinced she didn’t have a hand in our meeting.”
A blush creeps over my cheeks. “I certainly hope I can live up to her standards.”
“I think you’ve exceeded them.” He takes my hands in his. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you here sooner. Are we okay?”
