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My jaw unhinged. Wow he was actually going to have fun with this. And I was definitely going to need another sip and scan through the large file of embarrassing moments. “Crap,” I grumbled as one particular memory sprang to mind. I needed another sip of wine for this one. He crossed his arms over his chest expectantly.
“Okay so one time, in my early twenties I was at a party in Paris and was wearing a skimpy little top that tied up at the back. We were dancing and partying and maybe I had way too many cosmos. Me and two of my girlfriends thought it would be a great idea to jump up on the booth near the DJ and dance. So we were dancing and having fun and then when we decided to finally leave, I took a step down behind them, except the ties on the back of my shirt hooked on the edge of the DJ booth and took my entire top with it. So I was left there standing in front of an entire nightclub my boobs on for show. I was so humiliated. And then what made it worse was I struggled to get the top back and so security had to come and help me unhook it because I was so fucking drunk. I drank so much after that I can’t even remember what happened. I threw out that shirt the next day.”
There was silence and then a monstrous laugh shook the room. As embarrassed as I was reliving the moment, Eric’s laugh was contagious, and I began to laugh with him despite it being at my expense. I mean the whole thing had been pretty ridiculous. But there was something magical and endearing about his laugh. And I wondered if people often got to hear it, because selfishly, it felt rather rewarding to hear. Like I was slowly starting to chip away at his tough demeanor.
“Okay, that was a good one. Next round.”
Second hand. Eric won. What’s your favourite color? Lavender.
Third hand. Eric won. Do you know any other languages? I rattled off Spanish, Japanese and French. At that he seemed surprised. My parents had given me an extensive education; one that I now rarely had a need to use but being taught at such a young age they were engrained into my mind.
Fourth hand. I squealed, actually squealed as I bested him with a two-pair hand. Shadow perked up, startled, and I rubbed his head apologetically.
Eric’s eyebrows knitted together, surprised he’d lost. I poked out my tongue. “No poker face my ass!” I teased with delight. That twitch of a smile edged at the corner of his mouth again.
“Hmmm, what should I ask?” I pondered out loud, tapping my chin.
“We don’t have all night, snowflake,” he goaded
“For all you know, we might be snowed in together for another day and in that case we do.” I poked my tongue before whiplashing at how boldly I’d said that. Would he think I’d want us to be snowed in together?
“What’s your question,” he said, taking a sip of his red.
Relief swept through me. Hmm, what did I want to ask this man? So many things, and yet all of a sudden nothing at all. So many personal questions that I was certain the moment I asked, he’d lock up again. So, I needed something easy, right?
“What’s your favorite childhood memory?”
He seemed surprised by this and thought about it for a while. “You know, it might sound strange but probably when all of my siblings were born.”
My heart fluttered. I wasn’t expecting such an… innocent answer. Without my need to prompt him to continue, he did.
“I remember how happy it made my parents and when they introduced me to each of them. My memory’s a little hazy around the twins’ birth because I was only four, but I remember my parents promising me they’d be my new best friends. And in a town like this, there wasn’t many at my age. And then when Lori came along I felt almost protective of her in a way, probably because she was my little sister. But it was a little different when Thomas came along. And by then I wasn’t a child anymore either.”
He abruptly stopped, and so I cautiously asked, “Why was it different? The age gap?”
He seemed to regard me, uncomfortable in the direction the question had turned. And I was certain he’d lock up on me, but carefully he said, “Yes and no.” And then he looked into the weakening fire. “There were more complications with Thomas. My parents, although they haven’t always had much, gave us everything. They’d always been loving and somewhat stern, but they still let us be kids. But as I became a teenager I realized that the world wasn’t so easy. That there could be complications and mixed opinions involved.
Five years after Lori, my mother wanted one more baby, she just felt like our family wasn’t yet complete. She had a heap of miscarriages and it began to take a toll on the family for those four years. She was just so desperate to have another child and every miscarriage chipped away at her mentally and physically. It also began arguments amongst our family at the risks it was involving. I’d even called her selfish once.” He winced at the memory.
“But she was right. Eventually she did have Thomas, completing our family. I felt guilty for not believing in her and the grudge I held towards a baby that wasn’t even born yet. I just thought it’d be a disappointment like all the rest. It was hard watching my parents go through that and try to answer the twins and Lori’s questions.”
“You were worried about her health,” I quickly reminded him, a tight knot forming in my stomach at watching him paint himself as the “bad guy.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps. Or maybe I wanted to move out of a small town and didn’t want the responsibility of the family business and their expectation of me. And maybe I begrudged my mother’s ill health and depression at the time from all the miscarriages.” He shrugged, an awkward grimace twisting his expression. My shoulders had sunken in. He still tried to paint himself as the “bad guy” here, and yet I couldn’t even comprehend going through something like that for years. How else was a teenager supposed to interpret that? “Wow, that was meant to be happiest memory, huh?”
“Thank you for sharing it with me,” I gently said, placing my hand on the table. I had the impression Eric didn’t often open up to others and I felt grateful he’d shared a little hidden piece of himself with me.
“I think I’ve had enough for one night,” he said, politely excusing himself as he grabbed our two empty glasses and walked over to the sink. I sighed, disappointed that he’d slipped through my grasp again. Just when I felt like I was getting something substantial from him—a glimmer into how he functioned—he slipped out of my grip.
I patted Shadow, considering how he might’ve been the only friend Eric opened up to. Or perhaps I was being presumptuous. He did, after all, live in Chicago, a life beyond this small town. Surely, he had friends. Surely, there was a different side to Eric there, just as there was for me in Manhattan. And I wondered if I’d ever discover what that Eric was like before I left this cabin.
Chapter 12
Eric
Iwatched Cassidy as she twisted and contorted on the wooden floor, nothing but a towel coming between her and the hard floorboards.
I sat there eating my second serving of omelette that she’d insisted on making. I was beginning to wonder if the cooking had become a novelty for her, but I wasn’t going to complain.
