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“Or maybe they’ll get worse. How can you do this to yourself, to us?”
“Zane, regardless of how I feel, there is no us. There can’t be an us until…”
“Until what? Until it’s over with Declan? Until he cheats on you and makes a fool out of you in public? Is that what you’re waiting for?”
“I wish things were different.”
“I do, too, but I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself. I’m trying to move on with my life. I need to move on, but you keep pulling me back.”
“I know I’m selfish, but you’re all I have right now. Zane, please.”
She’s pleading with me, and her eyes look so sad. I can’t leave her. If anything happened to her, guilt would tear me apart. I place the locket on the nightstand.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Stay with me tonight. I need you to hold me.”
“Fuck Lana, you don’t know what you’re asking,” I rake my hands through my hair several times. I can feel the tension in my jaw shooting up into my head.
“I know. I’ll never ask you to stay with me again, but I need this tonight. Please say yes.”
I nod my head because I’m afraid my voice will crack. After a few moments, I feel strong enough to speak. “It’s late. We should get into bed. You need your sleep. Maybe it will make you feel better in the morning.”
“If I sleep in your arms, I know it will. Thank you for doing this.”
She slips off the bed and starts to change for bed right in front of me. Even though she is turned away from me, I begin to harden. The smooth porcelain skin of her back is just begging to be kissed. I stand up and remove my shirt, then my suit pants. I will my erection to subside, and thankfully, it does before we get into bed. Lana is in a t-shirt and just her panties. I must be fucking crazy to do this.
I peel back the covers and slip under them, holding them up for her to join me. Lana shuts the light out first then tucks her back against me as I wrap my arms around her.
“Mmm, you smell so good, Zane. You’re wearing the cologne I got you.”
“I started wearing it a few days ago.”
“Thank you for doing this. I wouldn’t be able to sleep without it.”
“Does Declan do this for you?”
“He gets sweaty, so we don’t spoon when we sleep. He likes it nice and cool.”
“Lana, why?”
“Please, don’t ask me that anymore.”
“I’m sorry. It just hurts me to see you in pain.”
“I’ll be alright.”
We’re silent for a few minutes, and then I hear her smooth, even breathing. She’s asleep and as tired as I am, I’m not. To have her in my arms now is so unfair because she’s not mine. My mind races and I tell myself that this is the last time, it has to be. After this, I’m moving on with my life. Lana will be married soon, and Declan will be tasked with taking care of her.
I bury my head in her hair and inhale her scent. I can never get bored of her perfume. Eventually, I start to doze and then fall asleep. I’m awakened while it’s still dark by the most delicious feeling, Lana’s hand stroking me through my boxers.
“Lana, what the hell are you doing?” I say as my hand stills hers.
“God, Zane, you were always so big. I loved how you filled my pussy.”
“Stop it. You can’t touch me like that.”
I slide across the expanse of the bed to the other side, and she follows, then her body is on top of mine. My will to fight her off is weak, and I give in. She forcefully presses her lips against mine, her soft tongue licking me. I open my mouth and tangle my own with hers.
