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“Don’t be ridiculous. I choose to be alone. It’s not so bad.”
“I don’t like it. I hate being alone.”
“I know you do.”
An awkward silence follows thankfully, broken up by the waitress asking if she can bring Lana a drink and me another. She orders a glass of wine, and I stick to sparkling water. I don’t want to be buzzed with too much alcohol.
“Have you found an apartment yet?”
“We’ve narrowed it down to four places. Declan said all of them would need some renovation to get them to his liking. That means we’ll be staying at The Plaza until they’re completed. He is particular about things. I think the places are all just perfect the way they are.”
“You were never hard to please. For a woman who grew up with privilege, you don’t require much.”
“I prefer not to make such a big deal out of material things. That’s why your comment about Declan’s wealth hurt. I’m not that way. Zane, I would have lived in a studio with you if you would have just been available. I didn’t care about your money; I just wanted you.”
Upon hearing the words, I wish I had ordered another scotch. Her telling me I only had to do one thing to make her happy is a punch in the gut. Was I that blind during the months we were together?
“Lana, I can’t apologize enough. I was selfish, and it led us down different paths, paths away from each other. The only thing that makes me happy is knowing you’re happy. I hope you are.”
“I am, but I wish you were too.”
“Maybe one day. Paige asked about you.”
Lana brightens, “She did?”
“Yes. I told her that we talked, and she would like to see you.”
“I thought she hated me. She was so angry when I called off the wedding.”
“She was protecting me. I told her most of our breakup was my fault.”
“Zane, please stop blaming yourself. We both had a hand in it.”
I want to change the subject, and as much as I don’t want to hear it, I ask about her wedding preparations.
“How are things with your wedding? We’re in April now, two more months to go for you.”
“They’re hectic, and with Declan away on business so much, I’m making all the decisions. Lucky Alicia and my mother are helping me, or I would have a hard time with all this on my own.”
“Alicia? I thought you two didn’t get along.”
“We usually don’t, but she’s been dating someone, and that has put her in better spirits.”
“Wow, it doesn’t take much.”
“Alicia can be pleasant as long as she has attention showered upon her. Her new boyfriend seems to be very nice. He’s a DJ.”
“I would have thought she would want to date someone who wears a suit and works in an office.”
“Normally, she does, but this guy doesn’t take her shit, and she loves it.”
“Well, good luck to her.”
We place our orders and after, run out of things to say. Lana is fiddling with her napkin, and I’m circling the rim of my water glass with my finger. I haven’t seen her in years, and it only took a half-hour to run out of things to say.
“Zane, I know this is uncomfortable for you.”
“It’s not. I just don’t know you well anymore. I’m not sure if I did before. I should have.”
