AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You’re not an idiot. I understand you were worried about me,” I respond while running my knuckles over her soft cheek. She closes her eyes until I pull away.
“I’ll let you get to your meeting. Will I see you tomorrow?”
“You might. I have something I’m working on, and I need to speak with Zane. I might also call him tonight when I get back.”
“He’s angry, but he’s also angry at Paul.”
“Paul overstepped his bounds when he spoke to you and Henry the way he did. I wanted to smack him in the mouth.”
“We’re used to it. Like I told you before, Paul can be a bit much.”
“His bit much is too much. It’s unacceptable. I won’t allow him to disrespect you like that.”
I couldn’t help keeping my gaze focused on hers. I needed to tear myself away before I forgot about the meeting and took her to bed.
Clearing my throat, I tell her, “I need to get ready to go.”
I rose from the couch, and Olivia followed. She gave me a small peck on the cheek as she left, which sent small shocks straight down into my belly. I count down to ten, hoping to relieve the ache in my balls, and it works. Grabbing my keys and jacket, I head to the meeting.
“Lucian, do you have anything you would like to talk about?”
I was in a conference room in a large office building, but it was void of a table that it might normally hold. The other occupants and I sat on straight-backed chairs in a circle, reliving the worst times in our lives. Twenty-two of us talking out the losses in our lives. All eyes turned to me as I search for the right words.
“I was wondering about relationships?” I start uncertainly. “I hid for months from people I know. It’s been almost a year and a half now. I loved my wife more than life itself, and when she died, I felt like my world imploded.”
A tiny woman with gray hair speaks up, adding, “I felt the same way. My Tino was gone for two years before I bothered to spend time with family or friends. It was just too painful.”
Replying directly to her, I ask, “How did you overcome your guilt?”
“Guilt?”
“I’m attracted to a woman, and I feel ashamed and guilty. I promised myself I would never be with anyone else after Cassie.”
A man no older than me smiled then added, “You can say that all you want, but you can’t suppress attraction. You’ve had plenty of time to mourn. Was your wife like mine? Did she tell you to move on?”
“Yes. She wanted me to find someone.”
“But I bet while you were shaking your head yes, your brain was saying never. Am I right?”
“I thought I could never do it again.”
“But now you found someone you like, and you can’t take that step because you’re overcome with feelings of betrayal?”
“Exactly.”
“The first one is always the hardest,” he responds understandingly. “It took me a full year to start dating again.”
“Why are you here if you overcame that?”
“Because I still have nightmares, and I need support. They’re far less than they were, but it helps to talk about them with people that understand. You don’t need permission to move on. You’re just looking for assurance that it’s alright to move on, am I right?”
The others in the room murmur the same sentiment. I was kidding myself that I could live forever alone—I knew that much. I’d always been personable towards people and very attentive when it came to women. I would fall hard and love harder.
The leader of our group, Regina, looks at her watch and tells us the two hours are up. It went by so fast. I’m at the far end of the room, so I wait for others to file out first. As I get into the hall, I seek out the man that talked about dating.
“I have a few questions that might not go over well in mixed company. Can we get coffee?”
“Sure. I’m Tim, by the way.” He offers his hand, and I shake it.
