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“Lucian, how are you? Can’t wait to see you tonight.”
“That’s why I’m calling. I can’t make it. Something came up.”
“Remember, years ago, I told you that I would always call you on your bullshit?”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing has come up. You’re just afraid.”
I falter. “No, really, something came up.”
“Okay, then tell me exactly what it is.”
Like a fool, I stutter to find the perfect excuse, but it just illustrates how I have nothing.
“Uh-huh, thought so,” she says confidently.
“I just can’t come.”
“Lucian, if you’re not here tonight, I swear I’m going to drag you out of the loft by your ear. You’re coming.”
“Lexi, seriously, I can’t.”
“Is something going on? I’m here to talk. Please don’t hide.”
“There are a few things.”
“Such as?”
“Guilt.”
“Guilt? For what? We hammered everything out. You and Megan are good, so what is the guilt for?”
“Olivia,” I admit quietly.
“My best friend? That, Olivia?”
“Yes. I li…I like her.”
“What’s not to like? She’s a wonderful person. I’m glad you’re getting along.”
“Lexi, you’re not hearing me. I like her very much.”
Her hesitation makes it evident that she understands what I now mean. “Wait, if you like her, why do you feel guilty?”
“Because I’m not supposed to like anyone. I love Cassie. I pledged my love to her and only her.”
Lexi’s voice softens as she answers. “Luc, you pledged your love to her when she was with you, and she always will be. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have room in your heart for another. Cassie wouldn’t have wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone, would she?”
Lexi’s words let on how much she knew even though she couldn’t have. In Cassie’s last days, she made me promise that I wouldn’t wallow in her loss. That I would live life to the fullest and find someone that I could share the rest of my life. But I couldn’t bring myself to do that. She had been gone almost a year and a half, and I had done the opposite.
“I don’t think so.”
“Then, why?”
“I can’t explain it.”
“You’re doing yourself a disservice, Luc. And you might think you’re honoring Cassie by being alone, but that’s not what she wanted for you.”
