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“You’re not lost,” he cried.
Tears stung my eyes as I told him something that would break me. “I think I am. Those few days we were apart, the old Samantha was back.”
“You mean you were a miserable bitch, browbeating your employees into submission?”
“Fuck you, Austin. I do not do that.”
He got up from the bed and went into his closet where I heard drawers slamming. He came out a few seconds later wearing a pair of gray boxers and a white t-shirt.
He clenched his fists as he widened his stance. “You do. Your employees are scared of you, and you love it. Who the fuck deals with people that way?”
I sat up in bed, hugging the sheet to my body. “It’s the only way when you’re a female in a high-powered position.”
“You know what I think? I think this shit with JJ really fucked up your head. You want to be alone and take a break; then it’s fine with me.”
He began to walk out of the room.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m sleeping in another bedroom. You obviously want to be alone, and I’m too much of a gentleman to tell you to leave so late at night.”
I heard the door to one of the bedrooms down the hall close. I stared at the ceiling for a long time thinking about our argument. Did I really want a break? I loved Austin. So why was I blaming him for what happened? I fell asleep only to be awakened by a horrible nightmare. My heart was racing, and my naked body was misted with sweat.
I reached over for Austin and realized as my hand swept over the coldness of his side of the bed, he wasn’t there. I chased him away. In that moment, I knew how irrational I’d been. I needed him. I got up and went down the hall, pausing before I opened the door to his bedroom.
In the moonlight, I saw he was sprawled on his back with his arms under his pillow. I softly called his name, then apologized. When he didn’t answer, I slipped into the other side of the bed, hesitantly snuggling against him.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered.
“Everything.”
“Sammy, you’re letting one incident change your whole mindset. Why?”
“I’m afraid.”
“He’s not going to hurt you again.”
I slipped my arm around his stomach. “It’s not just that. I’m afraid of the future.”
“With me?”
“With you, my job, my life. I’m happy, and I’m ruining it. I don’t know why.”
“Because it’s new to you.”
“Happiness?”
He slid his hand down my back. “A life where you have everything you wanted. Why are you sabotaging yourself?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not allowing you to push me away anymore. When you say those hurtful words, I know it’s because of fear. It’s okay to be happy.”
“We should talk about a few things.”
“There’s more?”
“You know I’m guarded. I keep things inside.”
