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Chapter 1
Ava saton her bed brooding. Her family had just left her apartment after they had dropped her off. She had finished her first of several graduation events since she recently had completed NYU Law School. She felt a great sense of accomplishment but also knew she was miserable. During the ceremony at Yankee Stadium, she remembered when she and Xander had attended a game there.
Her eyes had been drawn to the seats that they had sat in. She continued to scan the crowd looking for him, hoping that he came out of hiding to observe this milestone in her life. But she wasn’t able to locate him. Peter Wilder had told her before that he had no idea where Xander was. Xander only communicated with his family via email for the past four years.
Out of pity, several years before, Peter had given her Xander’s email address. She had sent a heartfelt email telling him how much she missed him, but she got no reply. When she emailed him again, the email bounced back to her indicating the address was invalid. He had closed the account. She had called his phone for a month after she got out of the hospital and it always went to voicemail. Eventually, the number was no longer in service.
Ava went to her room to find something more comfortable to wear. Her Uncle Daniel and Aunt Mavis were throwing her a celebratory dinner that evening in their backyard. She didn’t feel like going, but she changed her clothes and put a smile on her face. There was still one other festivity she would need to attend before all the hoopla concerning graduation was finished — the Convocation was the official hooding ceremony for graduating NYU Law students that was held in a much smaller setting than the stadium.
She wasn’t in the mood to attend any more festivities. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt from the fake smile she had fixed on her face. Her emotions were on high alert, and she was afraid she might burst into tears in front of her family. But she walked into her aunt and uncle’s home and through to the back yard, prepared to smile pretty for another few hours where her family and friends were celebrating her graduation. Rachel had wandered over to ask her what was wrong.
“I’m just tired. All the events that I had this week took a lot out of me.”
“You did it and should be proud. I remember when Jacob got his law degree. He was on cloud nine. Now comes the fun part, if I remember correctly, studying for the bar exam. When is it?”
Ava grimaced. “I’m going to sign up to take it in February. I have a few months to submit my application. Jacob already said he is going to drill me. I can’t wait,” she said sarcastically.
Ava’s three-year-old nephew, Mikey, came over to her and placed his sticky fingers on her knee. His face was full of marshmallow.
“Hey, little man. You’re a mess. Let’s take you into the house and get you cleaned up.” She excused herself and grasped his small hand.
“Aunt Ava, don’t wanna clean up. Want another marshmallow.”
He resisted, but she picked him up in her arms and planted kisses on his chubby cheek. Mikey’s struggles eventually ceased as she carried him into the house, washing his face and hands in the bathroom sink. He and his twin sister were the two things that could take her mind off her misery in the past few days. She wished her brother and his wife, Alicia, lived closer. She wanted to see her niece and nephew more.
Her sister Brooke had a little boy, too, who was going to be three years old in June. The twins were going to be four years old the same month a few days later. She was just two weeks shy of her twenty-eighth birthday. So much time had passed since her accident and the ending of her relationship with Xander. Well, it was Xander that ended it. She had no say in the matter, and he didn’t seem to care to discuss it.
“Wanna go back out.”
She took Mikey’s hand and followed him out to the backyard. Elizabeth, his twin, was sitting on Alicia’s lap with the same marshmallow face. Ava offered to take her inside and clean her up since Alicia was five months pregnant with her third child, but being the perfect mommy, she said she would do it. Ava went back to the corner of the yard to retrieve her glass of wine. Samantha, her best friend, came over to join her.
“How are you doing? Through being the center of attention yet?”
“Sam, I hate this. I want it done,” she said in a low voice.
“For someone who just graduated with a law degree, you’re not a happy camper. Why?”
Ava looked at her with sad eyes and took a big gulp of her wine.
“Shit, are you still thinking of him? It’s been almost four years. He is not coming back. You need to move on already. If he cared, he would have been back by now, especially on this occasion.”
Ava knew she was right, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She rubbed at the ring hidden under her shirt that Xander had given her for the first weekend they spent away together. Her melancholy mood was interrupted when her family called her to cut her graduation cake. Though she didn’t feel up to it, she wanted to make her family happy. She put on another fake smile and cut slices from the large sheet cake for everyone.
She was exhausted, and the mosquitoes were beginning to bite this late spring evening. After a little more of the party, she announced she was going home to get some sleep. Her brother offered to escort her, but she didn’t want company; she just wanted to be alone. She said her goodbyes and caught a cab to her apartment. The front desk was empty when she arrived in her lobby. She pressed the elevator button and waited.
“Miss Keene?” She turned to see Jeffrey at the front desk holding a long white florist’s box out to her.
“This came for you earlier.”
She took the box, wondering who could have sent her flowers. The clear window at the top of the box was obscured by a piece of paper, and she could not see the flowers, so she would have to wait until she got upstairs.
She entered her apartment and placed everything on the side table in the entry. Kicking off her shoes, she was greeted by her cats, Boomer and Riley. They rubbed against her legs and almost tripped her while she made her way to the kitchen with the box.
Upon opening it, she was shocked and placed her hand over her mouth. Nestled in green florist’s paper were a dozen long stemmed lavender roses. She clawed at the card taped to the side of the box. The script writing was distinct, and she would have known it anywhere -one line, no signature.
I want you for always
Ava sankto the floor cradling the box of roses in her arms, tears welling in her eyes. Somewhere in Manhattan was Xander. She just knew it. Was he at the graduation? Has he been watching me? She wanted to call the Wilder’s. If he was anywhere, he would be there. She picked up her cell phone and dialed the number then thought better of it and hit the end button.
