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“I will,” he said as he raced down her front stairs to his truck and jumped in it, peeling out of the driveway as he raced down Main Street. When he hit the highway, he pushed the old truck as fast as it would allow. Maybe his father was right. Maybe he needed to come home now that his mother was sick. Four hours was a big trip when there was an emergency. Fortunately, it was early, and there was no traffic for him to delay him. He made it to Manhattan within three hours, racing into the hospital’s parking garage.
At the front desk, they looked up his mother’s room and gave him directions to get there. He tried not to run through the halls, but he was anxious to get to see her. His father was sitting in a chair next to her bedside when he arrived.
“Dad, how is she?” He saw that his mother had a bandage on her forehead.
“She’s fine, it seems. They had to run a CT scan and want to keep her for observation until tomorrow. She hit her head on the side table when she fell. It took a few stitches to close the gash in her head.”
“What did the doctor say? Why did she faint?”
“She was dehydrated, and they are giving her a new antibiotic.”
Xander looked down at his sleeping mother. She looked frailer than when he had seen her a few months ago.
“Is she getting any better?”
“The doctor says she is. Two days ago her appetite came back. So I think that she is improving. She still gets easily fatigued, but it’s less than it was a few months ago.”
Xander sat down next to his mother and took her hand. He stroked it, and her eyelids fluttered.
“Alexander? Is that you?”
“Yes, Mom, I’m here.”
“When are you coming home?”
“Soon, Mom. Soon.”
Gabby closed her eyes, and Peter gestured for Xander to come outside the room.
“Alexander, I don’t like you lying to your mother. You know you have no intention of coming home anytime soon. Frankly, I am getting sick of this self-imposed exile. And I asked that you cut your hair. Your beard is out of control. Would it kill you to trim it at least?”
Xander exhaled, “Dad, this is part of the reason why I don’t want to come home. You constantly badger me about my lifestyle. My hair is too long, my truck is too old, I’m wasting my life working in the lumberyard.”
“Alexander, you had a wonderful career as an attorney. Why throw that away because of something that happened years ago?”
“It’s my choice. Why can’t you accept that I will never be as good as you want me to be?”
Peter furrowed his brow. “Alexander, I am proud of you; I always have been. I’m sorry if you think differently.”
Xander turned as he heard familiar voices coming down the hall. He felt a rush of annoyance. He spotted Jacob and Daniel Keene, and before he could duck away, they had seen him. Fuck! This was the last thing he wanted.
Daniel nodded at Xander as he went into Gabby’s room with Peter. But Jacob was another story; he narrowed his eyes at Xander and stared at him.
“I dreamed about what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. You’re an asshole.” Jacob fell silent waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry, Jacob, that you feel that way. Ava was… she is better off without me.”
“No, she’s not, you selfish fuck. For reasons - I have no idea why - she still loves you. Do you know she has not dated anyone since you? Her life is passing her by because she can’t get over you. She doesn’t say as much, but I know. I can see it on her face. Why did you do it?”
“I can’t explain it to you because you wouldn’t understand. You haven’t done things that make you hate yourself.”
Jacob’s face softened. “Everyone has. You aren’t any different. Ava has no closure because you never gave her that. I’m sorry you hate yourself so much that you can’t see your way through to explaining it to her.”
“I’m sorry, Jacob. Please don’t tell her I was here.”
“I wouldn’t because each time she finds out you’re around and don’t see her, it tears her healing wound open again. I understand your Mom is sick, but stay away from Ava.” Jacob walked passed him to see Gabby.
Xander went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. He sat at a small corner table stroking his beard deep in thought. Jacob is right. I never gave her what she needed. I just left. He waited an hour before he went back up to see his mother. His father wasn’t in the room, and she was awake, drinking some juice when he entered.
