Page 73 of Disciplining Dana
“Oh my God…” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Did I say anything about that? Did I give any indication that’s what I was going to do? I wasn’t the one who threatened to leave, Kurt!”
“You’re right, you weren’t. But that doesn’t mean after everything I put you through tonight you couldn’t have. I mean honestly, if you had, no one would blame you. I know I certainly wouldn’t have.”
“Don’t you think you’ve been dramatic enough for one night…”
“I’m not trying to be dra?—”
She waved away his protest. “Fine. Then explain why you did what you did tonight.”
“Because I felt like I didn’t have a choice.”
Dana rolled her head. “Oh, c’mon, Kurt.”
He grimaced before continuing. “Dana, name me one time I’ve told you not to do something—and I mean something dangerous, where you could’ve gotten seriously hurt—that you didn’t push back and do exactly what you wanted anyways.” He held his finger up in a jerking motion. “One time.”
“I had my reasons. I know my methods are unorthodox and not?—”
“Easy to deal with?”
“Sure. For some people I suppose they aren’t.”
“Trust me, they aren’t, and I’m not the only one who feels that way.” He glanced away for a moment, not ready to broach a subject he was sure would only make her more defensive. “Listen, easy or not, after tonight, here’s the thing I need you to understand: you can always act on your impulses, whatever your reasoning, no different than you have in the past. But moving forward—should you choose to accept what I’m proposing—you’ll need to know that there’ll be consequences if you decide to go through with something I’ve asked you not to, especially if that something goes south.”
“I’ll have to accept your discipline,” she replied.
He gazed into a pair of eyes that looked back with a forced coolness that seemed almost mocking but hid something else, too, beneath the surface.
Fear.
“Yes, Dana. Accept my discipline. And my punishment.”
She pushed a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail back behind her ear. “I just… this all seems so…”
“Wrong?”
“No,” she said tightly, shaking her head. “Just…”
“Frustrating?”
“Yes,” she replied softly. “That, and…” She gazed down into her empty glass.
“It makes you nervous, doesn’t it? To have someone care enough about you to hold you accountable for what you do.”
She snapped up her head, and a long second passed before she whispered, “Yes.”
“Because you’ve never had that before, have you?” Kurt pressed. “You’ve always been so good at what you do no one has ever stopped to question your methods, hold you responsible for your actions, have they?”
“No. And my results speak for themselves.” Her tone was less defensive than it was almost a plea.
“Yes, they do. Including those broken ribs in Argentina, and the bruises from the other day that are still there.”
“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” she replied with a tiny, rueful smile.
“No, because I can’t forget how I felt every time you put yourself in harm’s way.”
Dana picked up the empty tumbler in front of her as if it still held something she could bring to her lips. Another second went by before she slowly lowered it back, turning her gaze to his. “Okay, Kurt. I’m here, and I’m… listening. So, what next?”
He heaved out a sigh. “God, I wish I knew the answer to that.” Now he wished he had a drink himself, because this was the path forward, and despite all he and Derek had discussed, right now it seemed a lot less unerring than it had when they were talking.
