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He laughs. “A handsome fella then, huh?”
I think of my meeting with Luca and Dmitri. Be the bait. I don’t want to do it. But I know my role to play in this. Even if I don’t make it out alive, at least hopefully, and maybe, this monster will never hurt anyone else again, especially Dmitri and my family.
“Will you come visit soon?” I ask. “I don’t want to burden you, but it’s also… lonely here.”
He’s silent for a moment. Something that’s always made me uncomfortable because it means he’s making calculations about something.
“Soon, my little dove, soon.”
The phone hangs up, and I cover my mouth, trying to steady my breathing before the panic takes hold. I try to push away the insinuation and invitation for him to ever touch my body again.
I push my face out of the already open window, enjoying the breeze, letting it do it’s best to wipe away my worries. That’s when I notice them. A person in a hood staring up at me.
At first, I really think I am going mad from paranoia, but when they make no move to change, simply openly watching me with their hands in their pockets, my skin crawls. I close the window and curtain.
Turbulent emotions roll over me, wave after wave. I run to the kitchen sink and vomit as tears begin to stream down my face. And then I find myself screaming. I can’t get it all out. This feeling of impending doom and fear. The constant reminder that no matter how I look at it, I’m trapped. No matter how much I fight it, no matter how strong I want to be, I can’t because I know I’m just fighting the devil himself.
Another part of me breaks. Perhaps a part that will never be picked up again.
I thought you would’ve killed yourself. Lyle’s words are a cutting-edge.
I hold my hands to my chest as I slide down the kitchen cabinet, trying to push those thoughts away.
But wouldn’t it be easier for everyone?
Tears stream down my face as I give in to exhaustion and cry, trying my hardest to ignore the punishing words and remind myself that they’re invasive thoughts. I don’t want this.
I’m resigned to my circumstances, and I’d be lying if Dmitri and Layla didn’t spark hope back into my heart, but that’s what made every step of the way devastating.
Because I know the only role I have to play is to coax the monster out so they can kill him.
Truth be told, I don’t see myself stepping out on the other side.
I’d long given up on the hope that there was any other place for me.
That knowledge does nothing to remove the clawing fear that strangles my ability to breathe.
36
DMITRI
Layla steps into the ring, adjusting her wrist straps. Her shoulder-length hair split into two braids. “I still don’t think you should be doing this in your condition.”
“I’m doing this so I don’t lose my fucking mind.” I needed a release.
I’d hired out the entire gym floor for an hour on the same block as Creighton Technologies.
“You still don’t look like you’re sleeping,” she says as she rolls her shoulders back and forth. Considering her skills in the ring, it was disappointing she never stepped past her parent’s disapproval of pursuing it as a profession. They were happy for their daughter to know self-defense but not actively seek violence. The irony wasn’t lost on me because I was the worst influence.
When I don’t reply, tired of the parental lecture, she shrugs. “Okay, asshole, you asked for it.”
We’d been sparring for years to blow off steam. There had been a few times I’d have to pull back ever so slightly. The reality is there is a physical difference, but also because Layla doesn’t have the killer instinct. Sometimes, the adrenaline coursing through my veins becomes a living, breathing thing itself.
The person who I’d truly appreciated fighting was Luca Armani. I’m hoping for a rematch sometime soon.
She kicks out, aiming low for my feet. I dodge, and we bounce around, warming up. Today, our points were counted on the merit of taps to the stomach, shoulders, and legs.
“How’s your mother?” Layla asks casually. I strike, but she blocks me, barely, and knees the side of my stomach with formidable restraint. She smirks. “You’re lucky you’re an injured old man, or maybe I wouldn’t hold back.”
