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She melts into me as she leans down and takes everything I have to offer. Her tongue is a quick and hungry little thing. Desperate. Crazed. And deprived.
Our desperation bleeds into one another, her small whimper is enough to have my cock twitching with a large dose of guilt mixing in my gut. She wants to drown it all away as much as I want to my demons.
But I was as much the monster she’d claimed me to be even back then. If anything, I was even worse.
She pulls back, her bronze eyes searching mine as if she can sense my reluctance.
I want her. But was that really fair to her?
And yet, I would take whatever she was willing to give.
“Do you want to come back to the room with me?” she asks quietly.
A lump lodges in my throat because how was I to say no to the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on?
Even for only one night.
But I had the suspicious feeling that one taste would spiral me into an unquenchable thirst for the rest of my life.
18
ELANEE
Ishove Dmitri against the wall in the elevator, not able to rip his clothes off fast enough. I’m desperate and hungry. If this is the only time I can regain my power and have a moment for myself, I was seizing it.
He matches all of my kisses, his tongue dancing against mine as he consumes me, but I still notice the restraint on his behalf. I can tell, even now, that Dmitri is holding back, but barely by a thread. Probably conscious of my trauma, and yet every part of me is telling me that I need to drown in Dmitri.
This might be my only chance.
He might end up hating me for it, but I need it in every way.
At this moment, a decision I can choose for myself.
I’m ripping at his suit jacket as the elevator doors open on the top floor, and I drag him through them. I guide him to the daybed that overlooks the pool and sparkling city lights in the distance. The cool breeze sweeps through as I step back, only for a moment to appreciate him.
There’s a dangerous glint in his gaze. Those blue eyes are a raging storm of pure desire.
We’re both breathing heavily as we stare at one another, almost in disbelief. Warmth floods my core, pounding to uncover every part of this man I’ve been curious about for years. I Ignore every reminder that I should run away.
His jaw tics, his hair a mess, and his gravelly voice is clipped as he warns. “I’m only giving you one chance to back out of this, Cricket. I don’t know if you’re ready for me or my particular tastes.”
I can hear the unsaid words.
I don’t want to hurt you.
Deep down, I was already broken, and I didn’t expect him to be the man who would pick up the pieces.
But I wanted Dmitri to let me have him now so I could find another part of myself again. Even if only fleeting.
I fight against my conditioned thoughts. Was I making a mistake? What if I disappointed him? My hands invertedly wrap around myself as I begin to second guess this. I’d come to hate my body, and what if he saw its ugliness as well?
Dmitri takes two careful steps and towers over me, brushing his thumb across my cheekbone. My gaze dips to the cruel swell in his pants, and I lick my lips hungrily.
“You don’t have to do this.” And I don’t know why he’s trying to dissuade me since he clearly wants it just as much as I do.
“Do you not want this?” I ask quietly and avert my gaze. Why would he want me? What do I have to offer?
He jerks my head back up by the chin, almost bruising. I can tell he’s trying to be gentle with me as best as possible.
