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“Besides, Nadia isn’t the type to fool around—I am.” Xander laughed with Wyatt, and they went back to kissing.
I texted Ben, and he replied right away.
Ben: I’ll be there in ten minutes
Xander came over and clasped my shoulders. “What happened?”
I shook my head and averted my eyes. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
He sighed. “Okay, tell me later,” he whispered. “Would it be all right to ride back with Ben to Wyatt’s? I won’t stay the night. But I’d really like to talk to him longer.”
“Of course,” I smiled despite it all. “I’d hope it would work out that way.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, then went back to Wyatt and kissing.
Ben appeared ten minutes later, and I sat up front with him to give Xander and Wyatt space. And so that I wouldn’t have to feel like the third wheel while they made out.
Hayden was out on the street as we pulled off. I quickly turned my head away. And I was grateful for Ben speeding off down the avenue.
“Are you okay, Nadia?” Ben asked.
“I will be. Thank you.” I sighed. “Xander wants to ride with you back to Wyatt’s.”
“Okay. I’ll let him know if he wants to stay for a while, I’ll pick him up later.”
“Thank you so much, Ben.”
Ben played classical music the rest of the way home. It was Bach, from what I learned from Paul. And a heavy weight sat as a lump in my stomach. I should have gone home like I wanted to do. Xander could have gone without me. My annoyance quickly dissipated and left me with guilt. It wasn’t Xander’s fault Hayden kissed me. Was it all playboy charm the whole time? Had he always thought of me as a petite poupée, a little doll, to dress up and show off his clothes? He seemed more upset that I didn’t want to model than my desire to be a designer.
The cold behavior the day he dropped me off at the house came to mind. He judged me that day. He saw me as Paul’s kept woman. “He keeps you in a gilded cage…he stopped by for sex….” Pain ached in my chest as his harsh words taunted me. There was no way Paul Crane would be with someone like me. That was why he kissed me. He thought I was easy. Even in Paris I couldn’t run from my past.
“We’re here.” Ben pulled me from my thoughts, and we arrived at the house. I climbed out and waved at the window, signaling to Xander he didn’t need to give me an extra goodbye. They waited until I was inside and closed the door. And behind it, I sank and let the tears flow down my face. It wasn’t only because I was treated poorly by Hayden. It was my loneliness, my doubts. Did Paul have doubts of his own? Was that why we had to continue to live apart?
I climbed the stairs and instead of changing, I called Paul. The time difference was the same, but it was close to one in the morning. It took five rings before he answered. There was the sound of classical music before he came on the line. “Nadia? It’s what…one a.m. Is there something wrong?” The concern in his voice panged in my heart. The time wasn’t working out well, and every day felt like too long apart.
“Yes, I want to see you. Can I come to Germany?” I opened my computer and typed in flights.
“Come here to Germany right now?” His tone rose an octave.
My pulse picked up. “Yes. Is that a problem?”
“Isn’t Xander visiting?”
“He’d go with me to Germany.” There was a pause on his end that was only seconds but felt like minutes. And in that time I already knew that my pushing Xander to Germany was rude. He had come all this way for me. But then Paul said, “Well, it’s kind of chaotic here. Ingrid is staying at the house—”
“She is? Why?” My voice rose.
“Her house is being fumigated for fleas, so she’s here with Bobby.”
My brows furrowed. “But she’s from Germany and has relatives who live in castles. Couldn’t she have stayed somewhere else?” My tone sharpened. I closed my laptop.
“What’s this? You’re upset? It was sudden and it’s a big house. I’m not even there right now. I’m in the studio.”
“But she’s living with you.” I’ve only been to your home a couple of times.
“It’s not living, it’s only for a night or two. Honestly, you have no reason to be jealous.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. No reason to be jealous? But I had every reason to be jealous. A woman he had previously been with was living with him, something I’d never gotten to do. Wouldn’t he hate it if I were living with someone else? Do I dare ask him that? No. Focus on what you’re feeling here, Nadia. He needs to hear you speak your truth.
