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Christina Ralls had caught me off guard, but I had learned the public always judged what little was known to them. I had to be prepared and not let it affect me. I’ve done nothing wrong. That was the truth. I hadn’t done anything wrong except trust the wrong people.
“Then you should stay and enjoy the party.” Hayden smiled. “You can dance, yes?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I’m ready to go…I’m not leaving because of Christina. I’m tired and I have a full week of work ahead of me.”
Even though I said that to Hayden, a part of me wanted to run to Paul and hide in his world. But even he couldn’t always protect me. I wouldn’t allow Christina or anyone else to win by disappearing. I would continue to move forward.
“Well, rest up. We have Monaco soon.” His tone was cheery, unlike him. A small spread on my lips despite what happened.
“Thank you, Hayden. You can go back to your party.”
He scoffed. “You dismiss me?”
“Uhm, no.”
He grinned. “I only do what I choose. Now tell me how much you loved my show.”
I laughed, and he listened while I fawned over every garment and set up. “What inspired you?”
“I love the twenties and thirties here in Europe and Hollywood. That’s what I say to everyone, but….” He leaned closed to my ear. “I watched Metropolis.”
I beamed at him and bounced on the balls of my feet. “Oh, my God. I loved that movie.”
His gaze was warm. “I see. But I’m a lover of neo-noir.”
Laurence appeared and walked to my side.
Hayden’s lips were soft as he brushed my cheek. “Bon nuit, Nadia.”
I blinked rapidly. “Good night.” Everyone kisses goodbye here. It’s nothing.
Laurence quickly moved me to the car, and I sighed heavily in the back seat. What a relief.
“How about a ride around Paris?” he asked.
“Yes, Laurence, I’d love it.” He drove around past the monuments, and the beauty of the night lifted my spirits and distracted me from the lingering thought of Christina Ralls’ cruel words. We pulled into the house and ate chocolate ice cream before I headed up to bed. There, I allowed myself to let go of the feelings I held in. Tears burned my eyes. How could you not know you were pregnant?
It was something I thought about often. I didn’t know for sure, but I begged for help. Trevor and Landon’s leers and snide remarks filled my head.
You escorts party too hard.
No doll, I can’t help.
Get rid of her.
My pulse raced, and my skin prickled with heat. I clawed at the dress to remove it. Too hot. My mind began to replay the boat party. No. No. No. I pinched my wrist to refocus. Stop. Focus on the rest. Paul walking in the bathroom on the boat. He saved me. I’m here. I’m fine. I’m strong, I repeated over and over, my attention listing all that I could see that was real before me. After a few tense minutes, my pulse eased. I meditated to calmness in respite.
Pulling off the dress, I went into the shower and stood under the hot spray until it ran cold. It was times like these that I felt so alone. Yes, Paul said he would always be with me. He’d comfort me, that I was sure of. However, that was not sustainable. I have to do the work myself if I’m going to recover. Therefore, I decided to send a message to Doctor Casey.
Once I was back in comfortable clothes, I grabbed my laptop and settled on top of my bed. And I typed out a quick journal note while everything was fresh in my mind.
I ran into Christina Ralls, and she was confrontational. Her harsh words hurt me immensely, but I tried to stay calm. When I returned home, I couldn’t stop shaking. It was as if my mind couldn’t stop thinking about her insults. She said I was partying and knew I was pregnant. But she was so wrong. I didn’t party or know I was pregnant. My heart raced and my skin felt like it had a rash. I used the calming effects, but it took time. I don’t know how I’m going to testify. I’m scared I’ll freeze. I want to block it out and let it go.
After reading it over I sent it and went to bed, turning on the television. I drifted.
Buzz.
Paul? He hadn’t called yet. But when I checked it was Danielle Crane. Paul must have had her name programed into my phone. I hesitated, but decided it was rude not to answer. Even though it was nearly ten p.m. “Hello, Ms. Crane.”
