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“Because of what could have been.” His head thunked back on the carpet. “I love you,” he said and then went still.
“Oh no, you fucking don’t.” Keri didn’t allow herself to second-guess her decision. She grabbed his hand and raked his claws across her wrist. Then she all but shoved it into his mouth. It took just a moment before his body twitched, and he clamped onto her arm to prevent her from escaping. But she wasn’t going anywhere.
You’re a fool, she heard in her mind.
But she wasn’t sure if it was Joshua’s voice or her own.
Chapter 8
KERI'S WORLD NARROWED to a single point of focus: the warm, wet sensation of Joshua's lips on her wrist. She was desperate to save him, and now she felt the pull of his drinking. The initial sharp pain of his fangs piercing her skin had given way to a strange, almost pleasurable sensation that radiated up her arm and throughout her body.
This has to work, she thought fiercely, gritting her teeth against the dizziness that threatened to overtake her.
The room around her began to fade, the opulent furnishings of Anatol's lair blurring into indistinct shapes. Keri's knees buckled, but she forced herself to remain upright, to keep her arm pressed firmly against Joshua's mouth. She could feel the strength leaving her body with each swallow he took.
"Take what you need," she said, unsure if Joshua could even hear her in his weakened state. "I'm not going anywhere."
As the edges of her vision darkened, Keri felt a shift in Joshua's feeding. The desperate, animal-like gulping slowed, and she sensed a struggle within him. Blinking hard to clear her fading sight, she looked down at his face.
Joshua's eyes, which had been tightly shut in his frenzy, slowly opened. They met hers, and Keri's breath caught in her throat. Those eyes, usually so controlled and guarded, now swirled with a tempest of emotions. Hunger, yes – a primal, all-consuming need that made her shiver. But there was anguish there, too, and something else. Something that looked remarkably like love.
Hope flared in Keri's chest, warring with the fear that threatened to overwhelm her. She watched, scarcely daring to breathe, as Joshua's jaw clenched. His whole body tensed, trembling with the effort of restraint, and then, with what seemed like Herculean effort, he wrenched his mouth away from her wrist.
"Joshua," Keri breathed, relief and concern mingling in her voice.
He looked up at her, his face a mask of torment. When he spoke, his voice was strained, each word seeming to cost him dearly. "Keri... I can't stop for long. You have a choice..." He paused, swallowing hard, visibly fighting against the urge to resume feeding. "Either let me turn you into a vampire, or you will die."
The world seemed to stop spinning momentarily as the weight of his words sank in. Becoming a vampire meant eternal life. In its place, she would have... what? An eternity with Joshua? A place among the Nicolaus clan?
Is that what I want? But even as the question formed, she knew the answer. The thought of returning to her old life felt hollow, empty.
He's giving me a choice, Keri realized, her heart swelling with emotion. Even now, even like this. That's how I know this is right.
She looked down at Joshua, seeing the struggle written plainly on his face. He was holding back, fighting against his very nature to give her this moment of agency. In that instant, any lingering doubt vanished.
"I choose you, Joshua," Keri said, her voice steady and sure. "For eternity. I want to be at your side as your mate — forever."
Relief and joy flashed across Joshua's features. "Are you certain?" he asked, his voice rough. "There's no going back from this."
Keri nodded, a sense of peace settling over her despite the gravity of the moment. "I'm sure," she said. "Eternity with you, Joshua. A family with the Nicolau clan. It's everything I want. I love you."
Joshua’s entire body shook in reaction. “Mate. My mate.”
She brought her wrist back to his mouth. "This is my choice. My destiny."
As Joshua's fangs sank back into her flesh, Keri gasped at the renewed intensity. There was no hesitation now, no holding back. She could feel the life draining from her body, but instead of fear, she felt only a strange sense of anticipation.
The room around her faded to darkness, sounds becoming muffled and distant. Keri's last conscious thought was of Joshua, of the future they would share. Then, everything went black.
For a moment – or was it an eternity? – there was nothing. No sensation, no thought, no existence. Keri floated in a void, untethered and unaware.
Then, fire.
It started as a single point of heat in her throat, quickly spreading outward. Liquid flame raced through her veins, setting every nerve ending alight. Keri wanted to scream, but she had no voice, no body to give sound to her agony.
In fragmented flashes of consciousness, Keri became aware of changes happening within her. Her heart, which had slowed to a stop, suddenly lurched back into motion, beating with a frantic, uneven rhythm. Her lungs burned as if she had been holding her breath for hours, desperate for air she no longer truly needed.
Every cell in her body seemed to be tearing itself apart and reforming. Bones shifted, muscles stretched and contracted, and skin tingled with newfound sensitivity. Through it all, Keri clung to a single thought, a mantra that kept her from losing herself entirely to the pain:
