AllFreeNovel
Share Us
What was my search?
“Where can I find a job that pays fast?”
That was my search.
Because I didn’t expect to get fired.
I didn’t expect to find myself unable to land a new role.
I didn’t think I’d be in this position ever because a master’s degree was supposed to be my ticket to a better life. I don’t want many things. I literally just want enough money to pay my rent and pay a private investigator to find Aaron. Is that too much to ask? I really don’t think that it is, but apparently, I’m wrong.
“Any luck?” Beatrice, my roommate, waltzes into the kitchen so quietly that I don’t even notice her until she speaks.
“Not yet.”
She makes a little sound that’s something between a sigh and a coo. I don’t want to look at her because I know she’s probably busy pitying me. I don’t want her pity.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to my cousin? I mean, he and his brothers run a pretty big company. I’m sure they could find you a job.” Beatrice offers me a weird smile. I know she’s trying to be helpful, but I don’t want to go work for her cousin.
“I really don’t want a pity job.”
“I don’t want to sound like a bitch or like I don’t understand,” Beatrice says softly, “but you aren’t exactly paying your bills, love.” She’s right. Again.
“I know. And I’m sorry.” I finally look over at her. Yep, those beautiful blue eyes hold nothing but pity: lots and lots of pity. “I promise that I’ll pay you back soon.” I know Beatrice is super well-off, but I don’t like having to depend on her for money. I certainly don’t like the fact that I owe her. I’m her roommate: not her girlfriend. I shouldn’t be accepting money from her even if it’s to pay our rent.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“Then let me call my cousin,” she insists.
“Give me a few more days,” I ask. It’s only been a month since I graduated from grad school. I should have had something lined up after I got fired, but nothing fell into place. I kept telling myself that as soon as I had my degree in hand, things would turn around for me. They didn’t. I had a part-time student-teaching job that I no longer have due to “budget cuts.” I thought that my university would offer me a full-time role as a teacher this fall, but that didn’t happen.
My student loans are basically maxed. I used them on tuition and books, plus there was the time my car broke down. Now I don’t even have a car. I just take the bus everywhere. Sometimes I even walk. At least I’ve managed to stay in pretty good shape on account of all the walking. That’s what I keep telling myself.
“A few days,” Beatrice says. “Then we’ll call Ryan. I know you want to find a job in your field, but I think you might be surprised at just how much he can help you.”
“A master’s degree in creative writing really did seem like a good idea,” I sigh. I want to be a high school English teacher so very much. I know that Beatrice would never talk shit about me or my ability to actually hold down a job, but there’s an undercurrent of disappointment there. She comes from money, sure, but she’s also got a big girl job with big girl pay.
Not me.
“I know,” she says. We met our first year of grad school and decided to team up and room together. It’s been a great arrangement. Beatrice got her graduate degree in children’s lit, which sounds insane, but she wants to be a children’s librarian or a preschool director one day. She currently has a full-time job that has combined both roles, plus her parents are loaded. Needless to say, she’s going to be just fine no matter what she does.
She leaves and returns a few minutes later with a book. Then Beatrice sits at the kitchen counter and reads while I continue job-hunting at the kitchen table. Sometimes I think Beatrice can’t stand me, but then there are soft, quiet moments like these where I realize that maybe the universe has offered me something I’ve never had before: a friend. We sit in silence for nearly an hour before I finally push my chair away.
“All done?”
“Yeah.”
“Any leads?”
“No.”
“You want me to call Ryan?”
I don’t. I really, really don’t, but Beatrice seems so hopeful, and honestly, I’m tired. I’ve been fighting for a very, very long time, and even though this kind of feels like a handout, I haven’t really gotten any of those in my life.
Besides, what’s so wrong with a handout?
