AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Alix
I have no questions. You made yourself entirely clear in your final message. Should you wish to retain my last paycheck, consider it compensation for my breach of contract. We’re done.
I deleted the message two days after I received it, but it didn’t really matter because I’d read it so many times that I had it memorized. It played through my head whether I wanted it to or not. Morning, noon, and night. When I was showering. Eating. Driving. Standing. Sitting.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d been unconsciously planning a future with Sine until she was gone. Independence Day was tomorrow. Usually, the guys and I went to the Hamptons. We weren’t huge partiers, but we sometimes had people come with us, sometimes we didn’t. This year, however, Erik wanted to be with Tanya, which made things awkward for the rest of us. Reb because he and Mitzi weren’t together anymore. Me because of...her. And then Jace called tonight and said that he wanted to work on something new and wouldn’t be able to make it.
I stared up at the ceiling the same as I had for almost six days straight. The night I’d gotten the text from her, I drank myself into a stupor, her last two words echoing in my head until I finally passed out. I hadn’t really moved much since then.
I certainly hadn’t been working.
I thought I’d been blocked before, but it was nothing like now. I couldn’t see anything but her.
And I didn’t know how to stop.
* * *
Today madeit five weeks since Sine had disappeared. Five weeks since I felt like the world no longer had any color, any meaning. I’d gone through all the stages. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
I looked at my reflection as I crossed in front of a mirror and winced. Okay, so maybe I was still in the depression stage. I rubbed my hand over my jaw. I hadn’t shaved in days, and the only reason I’d done it then had been because Erik had threatened to kick my ass if I missed another night at the club.
Even well-groomed, I hadn’t been able to fool my friends. The worst part was, it wasn’t just me who was miserable. Reb was too. And Jace was distracted. Erik was preoccupied with Tanya.
Being with them at the club should have felt like getting back to normal. And that should have been what I wanted. A life like the one I’d had before she came along. Physically satisfying sex that didn’t have strings attached. Focusing on my career. A world that had been simpler.
But it wasn’t enough.
Having been with Sine, I couldn’t go back to the way things had been. I wasn’t the same man. She’d connected with me on a level I hadn’t known existed.
Or I thought she had.
But I’d been wrong.
She couldn’t have written that text if she felt the same way I did. Had. Not did. Because I was over her.
Except even now, as I stood in the middle of my studio, thoughts of her kept creeping in. Memories.
The blank space on the walls didn’t help. I’d torn down every picture of her. Since then, I’d been trying to find something to replace them, but I was worse off than I had been before I met Sine. Then, I hadn’t known what I wanted to do. I’d been in a creative blind spot.
Now, I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t see anyone else in her place. Every time I tried, I found flaws, reasons why none of the models I’d worked with in the past could possibly make my vision come alive.
The only thing worse than not having any idea of what I wanted to do, was knowing exactly what I wanted but not being able to do it.
“You’ve been dodging my calls, Alix.”
The familiar voice made me turn, but I already knew it wasn’t the person I wanted it to be. Or didn’t want it to be. I was still torn as to which I wanted more. To be able to move on and forget about her, or see her again so I could have closure.
At the moment, however, neither one was an option.
“Giselle.” I didn’t even have the energy to attempt a smile, even if I’d wanted to be pleasant to the woman.
She strolled toward me, her blood-red lips curved into what I was certain she intended to be impossibly seductive.
It just made me more tired.
“I was disappointed when I didn’t hear from you,” she said, stroking a hand down my arm.
She wore a skimpy top, the sort of miniskirt that barely covered her ass, and a pair of six-inch heels. Every inch of her screamed for attention, for people to notice her.
