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Briana
Tiffanyand I settled down to watch a movie before we turned in. I wasn't ready to be by myself just yet, and she clearly sensed that. I felt bad. It was her night off, but instead of going out and enjoying herself, or getting to spend some quality alone time, she was looking after her sullen roommate. But I was too appreciative of the company to tell her I'd be fine on my own. She'd have seen through the lie anyway.
It was no surprise when she chose Mamma Mia, the movie she claimed to watch every time she was sad. I had to agree. It was difficult to be glum when I watched it. Beautiful Greek scenery, catchy songs, and a fun romp of a storyline made me almost forget that Dorian even existed. Okay, not almost. Maybe not even slightly. But I was still feeling better about life by the halfway point when there was a firm knock on the door.
“I'll get it,” I said with a sigh. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anybody, especially considering it was most likely Elroy, but Tiffany had run interference for me with him more than enough over the years. Since I was already feeling pretty low, there wasn't much else he could do to make me feel worse.
I opened the door and froze.
Dorian was standing on the front step, eyes dark and stormy, expression full of fury. My heart took off at a gallop, racing wildly in my chest.
“Dorian...”
“When were you going to mention to me that you used to fuck guys for money?”
The question hit me like a punch, and my heart sunk heavily into my stomach. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. The explanations wouldn't come. Nothing would come.
Because I knew none of it would be any good.
He didn't seem to care that I was struggling to talk, or that I was struggling to breathe. He barreled forward with his accusations, even as I tried to beg him to keep his voice down. Mikala could usually sleep through anything, but I couldn't bear the thought of her waking up to hear the things he was saying.
“I can't believe you!” he snapped. “After everything…” He paused, gritting his teeth. Then he redirected his train of thought. “Why wouldn't you tell me you knew Kendall already? Was it because you were afraid I'd find out about your little side business with your husband? Sorry, your ex. How many recordings do you have of us fucking? Huh? What was the plan? Make me pay for one every time you two ran out of money?”
My eyes filled with tears, silent and stinging. I swallowed hard but still couldn't find the words. Couldn't find the air. How could I tell him the truth of it? Would he even believe any of it?
This was my worst nightmare. I didn't think Dorian cared for me in the same way I cared for him, but I thought he respected me at least. Now that he knew the truth, he thought I was trash. Just like Elroy told me he would.
Those three years of my life that I’d tried so hard to suppress came flooding back, overwhelming me. Elroy’s suggestions I start going on “dates” for money. The threats if I didn’t. After I got pregnant, him saying we needed the money if I wasn't going to get rid of the baby. That I needed to do it right away. While I was still skinny. While men would still want me.
At the time, I’d thought it was just temporary, that he would save the money to raise our child, like he said he would. But he hadn't. And then after Mikala was born, he started pressuring me again. Because the money was gone, and I needed to feed my baby.
“Do you even work at the casino?” Dorian asked, oblivious to the war going on in my head. “Or do you just get a cut from every guy you seduce? Like some sort of sexual commission?”
I heard the footsteps a few seconds before Tiffany shoved her way in front of me.
“Get out!”
Dorian eyed my roommate with contempt. “Are you her new pimp or do the two of you turn tricks together?”
“Get. The fuck. Out!” Her voice was low and deadly. “I don't care who you are, or how fucking important you think you are, I'll tear your fucking balls off if you don't walk away right now.”
He stayed there for a few seconds before he spun on his heel and stalked back to the stairwell. The second he was gone, Tiffany slammed the door and pulled me into her arms.
The dam inside of me burst, and I started bawling. Tiffany held me close, swaying as I sobbed.
His words cut me more than anything Elroy had ever said or done. Even though I'd known he didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him, I'd always held out hope that someday he would.
Now I knew that day was never coming.
