Page 138 of Kingdom of Crowns and Daggers

The cathedral was bedecked with white lilies, the aisles full to bursting as everyone tried to get a glimpse of the new queen. When she arrived, wearing the traditional dark colours we favour for weddings, I was dumbstruck.

She might have gone for a traditional colour, but the dress itself was anything but. The fitted bodice displayed her curves, the black fabric glistening like stars. The skirts bloomed out at her waist, trailing behind her in an explosion of sparkles and stars. Her gorgeous red hair was pulled back in a complicated braid, and she wore a silver band upon her head, with spokes fanning up and outward like sunbeams. Diamonds and silver flowers were woven between the spokes, making it glisten with every movement. To finish it off, her see-through black veil rested on the headdress and was also adorned with sparkles. She looked like a walking star, and she was mine.

Even now as I look at her, watching from a distance, I swear I can see an outline of her wedding dress. I don’t, of course, as it is the light playing tricks on me.

I am obsessed with her and utterly in love. Things have not been easy, but we are working together, all four of us, to create a kingdom that is safe and happy. She has helped shape me into the man I am today, giving me the confidence to finally take my rightful place.

Today is a difficult day, though, as it is the anniversary of her parents’ deaths and she is grieving. Given the circumstances, it is especially difficult this year, her brother’s betrayal making everything sour. I am glad we are able to give her the space to do so while also keeping her safe though, as I have no doubt she would have come here alone if we did not arrange this. When we left the palace, she insisted that we walk and not take a carriage. She wanted to feel the breeze in her hair, and it was not far. Besides, it is good for the people to see us, as she reminded me.

Yes, today is a hard day, but tomorrow will be better. Everything is better now with her at my side.

My queen.

My love.

ALYX

Gathering the courage, I open my eyes and stare up at the wreck that once was my family’s estate. My heart aches as I take it in. I have not returned here since that fateful day, as it was always too painful for me, but I knew it was still here.

I always wondered why it was never torn down and turned into something else, but now I know the truth. Constance insisted that it stay in its burnt, destroyed state as a constant reminder of what can happen at any time. She was trying to control everyone with fear.

The city is healing from her and Atlas’s betrayal, and change takes time, but I can already see a difference.

I am a queen now. I sometimes wonder if I would have still ended up with Joha, Orion, and Crux if my family wasn’t murdered and I was introduced to society as a lady. There is no point in thinking like that now though. Everything is so different, and if the last year has taught me anything, it is that we have to make the most of every moment.

Marrying Joha was one of my happiest moments, but that was for the kingdom, since they needed a queen. Officially, Joha is my husband, but really Orion and Crux are just as much a part of my life. The last month has been a crazy whirlwind, and we have been so busy that this is the first chance I have had to take a breath and properly grieve.

In my mind, Atlas still died the night of the fire. The man who stabbed me and took control of the city was not my brother. The man who did all of that was sick and twisted. He might blame our trauma, but I went through the same event and did not turn out like him.

Staring at the wreckage, I let the painful memories and guilt move through me, not trying to stop them. This needs to happen for me to move on. I cannot keep living in the past.

My throat tightens up, and my eyes sting as they fill with tears. “I’m sorry, Atlas, for how everything happened,” I croak out, feeling that damaged, fractured part of me shift. Pressing my hand against my chest, I push past the feeling and finally allow a few tears to fall. “I hope you are now at peace with our parents.”

Would they be happy with my life now? Have I made them proud despite the lives I have taken over the years? No, I cannot think like that anymore. They are dead and have been for years. I cannot live in the shadow of ghosts any longer. That is why I am here today, on the anniversary of their deaths—to take back control and release myself from the weight I place on my shoulders.

“It is all over.” I am not sure whom I am talking to. Myself? My parents? Either way, every word I utter is filled with the truth. “I have been ruled by my grief ever since that day. I spent all of these years trying to get revenge, and it is finally time for me to be happy.” Several more tears break through, but I do not bother to wipe them from my face or hide my pain. “I will always love you, and I hope you are proud of me, but I have to live my life now.” Taking a deep, shaky breath, I prepare for the hardest part of it all—walking away.

Striding up to the wall that separates the estate from the street, I place my hand against the scarred brick and squeeze my eyes closed for a moment. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but I meant what I said—I cannot live life searching for revenge.

I have to live it.

I can feel the weight of Joha’s, Orion’s, and Crux’s gazes as they stand back, giving me the space I need. Their support gives me strength, and I know they are the path I am supposed to be on.

Opening my eyes and taking a deep breath, I bend down and lay a lily at the entrance to the estate. The flower was in my wedding bouquet, and I wanted to bring it here for them.

Straightening, I smile at the burnt house even as a tear rolls down my cheek. “Goodbye,” I rasp.

Turning around, I walk towards the three men who make my life worth living, leaving my painful past behind me. I step forward to embrace my new life. I will never forget who I am or where I came from, but I was being held back.

I smile at Joha and Orion, and Crux. All of them wait and watch. They are three men who never should have been mine but are, and I thank the gods for letting me meet and keep them. I do not know what the future holds for us. No doubt it will not be easy, but we have endured much worse, and I know we can survive anything as long as we are together. Our kingdom will prosper. We will make sure of it—as one.