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I dragged my defeated ass outside, the hem of my gown scraping against the ground. All I wanted to do was go home and curl up in my bed forever. But I couldn’t go home. Sebastian would be there eventually. And I couldn’t stand to see him. I wouldn’t. I could never go home again.
Who was I kidding? I didn’t have a home. I had a ratty old apartment in a broken-down attic. I had a suitcase or two worth of clothes, a few throw pillows, and memories.
I thought I could actually buy the place and restore it? I thought Sebastian would look at me, nod, and say, Sure, sounds good. Sign on the dotted line.
I was such a fucking fool. He’d used me all this time, and I’d had no idea. I’d run around working to help his deal go through and had made myself homeless in the process.
He’d tear that house down, and I’d have to watch. All those memories, all that happiness—gone. The only home I’d ever known.
I sat in Abigail’s car and let the tears come. I reeked of dank sprinkler water and moldy basement. I wanted a shower and a vat of wine, but all I could do was lean my head on the steering wheel and weep.
Because I’d fallen for him. I’d fallen for his cocky smile and the way he softened. I’d fallen for the excitement he faked when we worked on the boutique hotel pitch. I’d fallen for the way he made me feel, which was cherished and respected and beautiful.
And it had all been a lie.
Sobs shook my frame as I gripped the steering wheel, emptying myself of all the hopes that would never come to fruition. I’d have to watch Sinclair take over the Monticello, knowing that he was making money off the back of my efforts. I’d have to face my parents’ memory and tell them I’d failed.
I’d failed at everything. Soon, everyone in town would know. The little girl who never belonged here screwed everyone over. She was such a colossal idiot that she didn’t see the money-hungry vultures circling right in front of her nose. She got us all swindled into selling our town to the highest bidder.
My chest cracked open and all the pain and anguish and grief poured out. Every breath I dragged in smelled rotten. Every tear that fell from my eyes seared my cheeks, my hands, my thighs.
I’d kissed him. I’d loved him. I’d been so wrapped up in feeling fucking special that I hadn’t seen what he was doing to me. To my home.
When I was raw with the pain of it all, I lifted my head from the steering wheel and stared out at the empty lot. I couldn’t tell if I was crying or not, because my cheeks kept getting wet but the sobs had stopped.
And I couldn’t go home. I had no home.
So I drove to Abigail’s.
The windows were dark. She hadn’t come back yet. I had the key but as soon as I slipped it into the lock, I remembered she’d started using a new alarm system. I could only guess the code. And the last thing I needed was to be arrested for breaking into my friend’s house.
When I pulled out my phone, I noticed a dozen missed calls. Sebastian. A fresh ache sliced across my chest at the sight of his name on my screen. What could he possibly have to say to me? What explanation could he possibly give to justify his lies?
Ignoring the tight, dry clasp of my throat, I called Abigail but she didn’t answer. It just went straight to voicemail. So I tried again. And again. My hands shook. It felt like all my innards had been scooped out and splattered on the ground around me. I was stranded in the dark, wearing a wrecked rented dress, alone.
Where the hell was she? She had to be on her way. Someone must have been giving her a ride. Shivering, I pawed through Abigail’s trunk and found old gym clothes and a picnic blanket. I changed right there in front of her house and wrapped myself in the blanket.
I gripped the keys in my hand and shuffled in my heels to her perfectly painted porch swing. I curled up on the slatted surface and let the wind rock me back and forth.
Wrung out and too exhausted to sleep, I stared out at the rustling leaves on the tree in her front yard. I listened to the cicadas. I swung back and forth, back and forth.
As I lay on the swing, unsheltered and lonely, a deep ache took hold of me. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe this was how I’d always meant to end up. At the end of the day, I was just a sad little abandoned kid who begged for any scrap of love she could get.
No wonder I fell for Sebastian’s charm.
THIRTY-FIVE
SEBASTIAN
I stared at the gash in my left rear tire and almost began to laugh. Of course this would happen tonight. I wouldn’t put it past Charlie to have done it herself. Could I blame her? I deserved it. I deserved to be scared shitless when the alarm sounded. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing Charlie the way I’d lost everything years ago. She may have made it out of the theater alive, but I feared I’d lost her all the same.
My phone was quiet and dark in my hand, all my calls unanswered and unreturned.
I’d made my choice. I chose the deal of a lifetime. I chose my mother.
It was right and good to give Mom what Lydia had taken away. It was justice, to excise this town from my life, to know that my grandmother was turning in her grave at the thought of her legacy being chopped up and sold.
So why did it feel like I was the one being buried alive? I couldn’t breathe, could hardly think.
