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He’s…God, how can I put it into words? Asher’s there, in front of me, and I can hardly believe he’s real. Wearing a white button-down shirt tucked into tight-fitting slacks, he looks like every naughty secretary’s wet dream. His shoulders are broader than I remembered, hands flexing and unflexing at his sides. His black belt gleams on his hips, toes wiggling in his dark gray socks. But the man is more than his clothes—he’s…everything. I hadn’t remembered his features perfectly—hadn’t done them justice in my mind, as if the mere thought of Asher’s face was too much for my heart to bear. If I’d remembered them as they are, could I have ever walked away from him? Those eyes that seem to see right through me, the lines that bracket his mouth when he’s deep in thought, the lips that plagued my dreams for weeks.
He’s standing there, staring at me like I’m his whole world. His eyes open wide and his breath catches, and still, the seconds feel like they last forever.
“Penelope.” Asher’s voice is pure emotion. Pure fire and light, with a raspy edge that sends a tremor shooting down to my toes. His brows tug together ever so slightly, every micro-movement of his face sending jolts of heat through my veins. Without another word, he gulps, steps aside, and lets me in.
I nod to my staff, who remain outside. Asher’s arm brushes mine as he closes the door behind me. Asher moves fluidly. Gracefully. And me? I feel like I’ll trip over my own shoes if I try to move. My heart is in my throat, thumping so fast I might throw up.
His eyes catch mine, lips opening. My gaze flicks down to his mouth and immediately over to the wall. I need air. A deep breath. Something to clear the hot, dizzying thoughts invading my head.
“You want a drink?” Every word sounds excruciating, as if he has to rip each one from his throat.
I nod, following him down the hallway. The living room is still empty, I note. Walls still bare. Maybe he never meant to stay here after all. Blood turns sluggish in my veins at the thought, and I focus on the movement of my legs. One foot in front of the other.
My eyes drift up Asher’s long legs, snagging on his ass. Damn those pants. I blink two or three times as if it’ll help to clear the lust clouding my vision. It doesn’t.
Asher mumbles something about tea, coffee, and a vague excuse about lack of options. I croak, “Water.” A glass lands on the table in front of me, and I force myself to crawl my gaze up to his.
“You’re here.”
“Mick Burgundy came to see me.”
Asher gulps, his throat bobbing. He turns his back to me, grabbing a glass of his own, then slides into the chair across from mine. My eyes drift behind him, to the kitchen island where I…where we…
“Did you see the contract?” The rough edge to Asher’s voice is the only indication he’s feeling even a fraction of what I feel.
Forcing myself to meet his gaze, I nod. “Yes. It’s not a very fair proposal.” I touch the base of my water glass. “To you, I mean. You’ll lose millions.”
“I don’t care.”
His words find every weakness in my heart’s armor and try to pry it open. I sit up straighter, staring at a bead of condensation on my glass. “You cared about nothing except business for years—lied to me to get yourself ahead—and now you’re telling me you don’t care.”
Pause. Then he whispers, “Yes.”
“Why?”
I feel more than I hear the way Asher’s breath stays stuck in his throat. I watch the hurt ripple over his face, tensing every feature as he stares at the table that separates us.
“Why would you do that, Asher? And you told Mick it was a gift? Is this some sort of joke?”
“No,” he nearly shouts, flicking his gaze up to mine. “It’s not a joke. It’s…it’s the first good thing I’ve ever done. The first thing that felt right.”
“You’re giving this mine to NRG.”
“I’m giving this mine to you, Penelope. The mines mean nothing to me. My career means nothing. I don’t want any of it. I know my father will fire me. I know I’m ruining my career. I know everyone will remember me for this, and not the hundreds of successful negotiations I did before. I know this will be my legacy, and no one will understand why. Not one person in this world will understand how I could do this, but I hoped…” He sucks in a trembling breath, curling his hands into fists. “I hoped you might.”
Those cracks in my armor are wider now. Blood starts welling at the openings, ready to flow free. I grind my teeth together to stop my lip from trembling, forcing myself to stare at this man. To try to understand him.
“Penelope,” he gasps, as if he can hardly breathe. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you about the merger when I first came to Nord. I should have told you before that, at Gabriel’s wedding! I should have been honest with you from the start, but I was a coward. You walked into my life all elegance and beauty and strength, and I felt so small. I felt weak and unworthy of you, and I was so fucking terrified you’d see me for what I was. Every time you looked at me, I thought you’d finally see the broken, burned boy I am inside. But you never did—you kept giving me your smiles and laughter and you gave me life, Pen. Lying to you is the only thing I’ve ever regretted. In all the shitty things I’ve done in my life, hurting you…it broke me. Tore me to shreds. And I know that’s no excuse, but, Pen, I feel like I can’t breathe without you.”
With a breath, Asher fists his hands through his hair. He stares at his glass of water, as if he’s afraid to meet my gaze. “I was a coward to lie to you. A coward to hide the truth from you. A coward to run here to do my father’s bidding when I should have seen this for what it is.” He lifts his eyes to mine, endless pain swimming in their depths. “I’m in love with you, Penelope. Desperately, foolishly in love with you. But you’re a queen, and who am I? How can I ever be worthy of you? I thought if I gave you all the diamonds in Nord, it might make a dent in the absolute train wreck I’ve created. I thought if I blew up my own career and everything I used to care about, maybe I could prove to you—to myself—that it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters at all…except…you.”
His last word is nothing more than a whisper, but it echoes through my soul, waking up every part of me that I thought died long ago. I blink a river of tears down my cheeks, letting the armor around my heart fall away.
My voice is nothing more than a rasp when I finally speak. “You’re no more a coward than me, Asher. I’ve loved you since you let me slap you across the face and asked for more. Maybe before that, when you saved me from Gabriel’s wedding and showed me what it felt like to live again. From the very first moment you stood beside those roses because I knew, I just had this feeling you were thinking of me when you touched them… But I was too scared to admit it to myself, to you, to anyone.” My bottom lip trembles so hard it’s difficult to speak. I close my eyes just to save myself from the assault of his gaze, breathing deep to say the words I’ve tried to ignore for weeks. Months. “I love you, Asher. I could never deny it, and I could never let this child grow up without knowing its father. Without knowing you.”
Asher’s beside me in an instant, yanking me out of my chair and crushing his lips to mine. His kiss is violent, needy, and everything that’s been missing from my life. His lips brand mine with a vow. An oath. A promise to never let me go again. I cling onto his broad shoulders to show him I feel the same, melting into his body as if it’s the only safe place that’s ever existed.
He scrapes his teeth along my lip and shoves his tongue into my mouth, using rough hands to pull me closer. I thread my fingers through his hair and tug and pull him closer because all I want is more, more, more. I can finally breathe. I feel alive for the first time in years.
