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I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“The baby—”
“Is none of your concern.” My voice cuts so harshly Silas flinches. Grinding my teeth together, I turn away and head back to the castle. At least if I’m moving, working, doing something, I can’t think about the fact that everything inside me is slowly freezing to a big, black lump of ice.
At the beginning of September, nearly a month after Asher left for Farcliff, I read an article about Asher Gerhard accepting the role as director of his father’s company. My heart sinks and vaguely, I wonder if I’d held out hope that he would choose me instead of his career. In some small corner of my mind, I must have been wishing he’d arrive at my door and beg for my forgiveness.
A part of me wanted to forgive him.
But as I read the article, the final door shuts, and I realize we’ll never be together. I’ll raise this child on my own and tell the media his biological father is Xavier. Asher won’t exist in my life, and these past few months will be nothing but a dream.
The thought of lying about my child’s father makes me feel sick, but I push the feeling down. Above all, I need to maintain stability in the kingdom. Avoid controversy. Be a queen beyond reproach.
Still, denying the child’s parentage chips away another piece of my heart, and I dread the day I’ll have to announce it to the public.
In addition to lying to me, that’s another thing Asher took from me. Bearing my first child—likely my only child—doesn’t feel like a joyous occasion. I’m afraid and alone and facing a lifetime of lies. Will I lie to my child, too? Will I deny Asher the right to see his baby?
Those questions weigh heavy on my spirit. It’s hard to move, let alone think about everything facing me in the coming months. After reading the article about Asher’s new position at the company, I shuffle to my bedroom, lock the door, and curl into my bed. Alone.
26
Asher
The ink is still wet on the acquisition papers when the story breaks in all the major business publications in Farcliff. Donovan Enterprises has been acquired by Gerhard, Inc. I know Penelope will find out—maybe she already has.
This past month has been the most difficult of my life. Not being able to see her, talk to her, reassure her—it makes me feel sick. Every hour that goes by makes my hope dwindle, as if my opportunity to show her my true self is slipping through my fingers.
But I keep going. I watch my father leave for a holiday and take a seat behind his desk. I negotiate with Reginald Donovan and reassure his stakeholders. I have our lawyers draw up the paperwork and forge onward with the acquisition of his company.
I know how it looks from the outside, but I can’t let myself stop moving. I can’t pause to think about the damage this is doing to my reputation—to my relationship with Penelope. If I think about it too much, I’ll lose my nerve.
My father will be away for three weeks. It’s the longest holiday he’s taken since he started this company, and it’s a huge vote of confidence for me. If it had happened three months ago, I’d feel like all my hard work had paid off. I’d feel finally validated for the years of service I did for my father. All the companies I acquired and business deals I brokered.
I’d finally feel seen.
Now, though, it feels empty. Cold.
My fingers drift over the edge of my scar, a whisper of Penelope’s touch.
“Are you sure about this?” Nico glances at me from the other side of my father’s desk. He’s just emailed me my flight itinerary from Farcliff City to Roston, and he looks…concerned. His brows are drawn together, eyes unusually troubled.
I nod. “Yep.”
“Ash, this is…” He clears his throat. “Your father won’t be happy.”
“I’ve been letting my father decide my fate my whole life. I think it’s time I do something for myself.”
“There’s no guarantee the Queen will even appreciate what you’re doing. She might never speak to you again.”
“At least I’ll know I tried.”
Nico’s throat bobs. He takes a deep breath, running fingers through his hair as he searches for the right words. “I have to tell you, Asher, just for my own peace of mind—I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Noted.”
“You’re blowing up your future.”
“I’m creating my future.”
