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Then I feel it. His body tensing. His balls tightening. The thick, hot spurts of his orgasm lashing against me, filling me up with his seed. He grunts, the sound so deliciously male that it sends another wave of heat coursing through me.
I haven’t had this in years. Nearly a decade. Too long to remember what I’ve been missing. We fall onto the sofa, tangled in each other and still joined. His lips are near my neck, his breath coming in hard gasps.
“Fuck, Pen,” he says.
“I know,” I reply. I know that was special. It went deeper than just sex. It was a release of something more than just my body. It felt like I found someone who understood exactly what I needed and how I needed it, and he didn’t hesitate to give it to me.
I pull away from Asher, smoothing my dress down and slouching on the sofa. His hand lands on my thigh and he glances at me, a lazy smile gracing his lips. In the low light of the room, with bliss painted on his face, he looks so handsome I’m afraid of what his smile will do to me. How quickly it’ll infiltrate my heart.
“I wasn’t expecting that to happen today,” he says, lifting his finger up to brush my cheek. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, every touch delicate. Soft.
I chuckle, leaning into his hand. “Me neither. I haven’t…” I trail off, not wanting to speak those words out loud. I don’t want to think of the pain of my losses, or how it felt to forget them, even just for a moment. I don’t want to go back to the woman I was a few minutes ago. If only I can enjoy these moments, float in this feeling for just a few heartbeats longer.
After a pause, Asher glances at me. His broad features are relaxed, with none of the guarded desire from before. His lip tugs. “What’s Nord like?”
“You’ve never been?”
He shakes his head.
I let out a happy sigh, shaking my head. “It’s incredible. Cold, of course, but this time of year—summertime—it’s magical.”
“If I wasn’t so busy in Farcliff, I’d come visit.”
“You should,” I say.
“I wish I could.” He smiles sadly.
I return the smile, but there’s a distance between us. He’s already giving me an excuse as to why he can’t come. Telling me he’s busy. Letting me know where we stand. This was a one-time thing, and I hear him loud and clear. A spear pierces my heart, and I feel so stupid and so oddly ashamed of what just happened—of how completely I let myself go.
But Asher leans over, brushing his lips against my earlobe. The touch is soft. Intimate. It sends warmth flowing down my body and scatters my thoughts in an instant. His hand moves to my thigh, where it makes soft, gentle movements along my inner leg. I resist the urge to spread them for him.
“What’s it like being Queen?”
I huff out a laugh. “Tireless. Nord is facing a lot of unemployment right now, and we’ve had to close down a lot of heavy industry. Sometimes it feels like there are no good decisions. Whatever I do, someone suffers. Even now, at this wedding, I was expecting to be talking to an old mining executive about his proposal to mine in Nord, even though the company is less than reputable. Just another day as the head of state.” I laugh, but it dies down when Asher stiffens.
It only lasts a second. Just a small flash across his eyes, a tiny pause in the movement of his hand, then the hesitation is gone. He leans over and kisses me again, then stands up to readjust his clothing.
When he glances at me and winks, the strange moment has passed, but I can’t let the uneasiness go. Watching as he buttons his pants, I feel as though I’ve said something I shouldn’t have.
I know Asher works for a company that deals mainly in resources and mining. Isn’t that how his father made his fortune? I shouldn’t have said anything about Nord’s business.
This is what happens when I let myself be a woman instead of a queen. I make mistakes. I say things I shouldn’t. I expose myself and my kingdom to people I barely know—because at the end of the day, I barely know Asher. We haven’t seen each other in twenty years. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to see me again. I shouldn’t be talking about Nord’s affairs.
As I stand up, my heart thuds uncomfortably. I try to straighten my dress and walk over to the television in the corner to use it as a makeshift mirror to fix my hair. There’s a layer of ice covering my skin, and my face has returned to the still, unmoving mask I usually wear. Neither of us says anything, and I know the moment is over.
And it should be.
I’m not Pen. I’m not Asher’s friend from boarding school.
I’m the Queen of Nord, and if I ever forget it, I know I’ll have to pay for my mistakes. Glancing at the man behind me, I feel like I’ve just made the biggest mistake of all.
6
Asher
I didn’t sleep with Penelope to get information out of her. I slept with her because…I don’t know why. Because she called out to something primal in me. Because I just couldn’t resist the draw I felt to her. Because for once in my life, I felt whole with her in my arms.
In no universe did I think she would tell me about mining moguls sniffing around Nord. Inadvertently, she told me exactly the information I came to this wedding to get, and I didn’t have to get near Donovan’s sniveling face to get it. She’s just made my job much, much easier.
