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"Maybe it's time for you to go."
I let out an incredulous laugh. That was a bad joke, right?
"What?"
"Maybe it's—" he began again, but I interrupted him, raising my hand.
"I got that part. But why on earth are you sending me away now? Surely not because of all the things he said?"
He let me go, only to shove his hand to his neck. "Maybe he's right? Why should you even want to spend time with me?"
My lips parted, but no sound came out.
"In the end, it was just about you using me to heal your wounds. And from what I've just seen, the healing process is done."
"You think I was just using you?"
"Isn't that the case?" What was now reflected on Gray's face, I never wanted to see again.
"No!" I almost screamed at him. It felt like everything was slipping through my fingers. "Why did you even suggest it, huh? If you were just going to make it a problem now?"
He shook his head. "Because I wanted to see you happy, Amelia. Because from the very first second, I've had this foolish feeling inside me. Because… the first time I saw you smile, I knew that was what I wanted from the start. And more than anything, I wanted to be the reason for it."
Without changing my expression, I looked at him. "Do you realize that I was serious when I said I could fall in love with you?"
Shaking his head, he looked away. "That was just something said in the heat of the moment."
"Sure, Gray." I snorted. "Do you really want to kid yourself?"
"It's the truth, isn't it?"
Where was all this coming from? Because George had spat some words at my feet that sowed doubt? Or were these thoughts he had harbored for a while and hadn't expressed out of consideration for me?
I didn't even want to know. I just wanted him to stop. To stop claiming that we had an expiration date and it was today. To stop pushing me away when all I wanted was to run into his arms and feel the same warmth tonight after we had finally made it to bed.
Over and over again, I shook my head. I was at a loss for words. The arguments fell short when everything that came out of his mouth sounded so final.
"No. No, it's not, Gray. It's not the damn truth, and I can't believe you'd think it might be." I threw my arms in the air, trying to turn away and distance myself from him so I could clear my head before we continued this conversation.
But something told me it would be too late then. So I stayed and stared back at him.
"Do you realize how ridiculous I feel? I had no chance of resisting you. Suddenly, you were there, and all that mattered to me was you. I know it's just a silly feeling, but let me have the choice whether to embrace this feeling, to love you and to have you by my side for the rest of my life, or not. Because I'd rather do that than be pushed away by you because you believe you're unnecessary to me." He wasn't. He never would be.
How often had I realized that I was lost when it came to Gray? Or lay awake at night in his arms because it felt too good to be real? Wondering how I could possibly feel this way after such a short amount of time?
"You know… every single wall I built had a good reason behind it. And you just tore them down, making me feel vulnerable. But being vulnerable around you doesn't bother me, Gray. You never gave me a reason to doubt you or your ability to protect me from whatever threats may loom. But right now, I hate it because I feel so damn helpless."
This time, I raised my hand to point toward the door through which he had dragged George.
Gray looked at me, long and intently, his face still wearing the hurt expression from earlier—as if I had been the one to send myself away…
"You don't hate it," he finally said in a rough voice. "You're scared. And that's perfectly okay because I can relate to that."
I took a shaky breath. But it didn't feel like I was getting enough oxygen. What I was about to say felt like standing on the edge of the tallest building in Toronto without a harness, staring down into the abyss, hoping I wouldn't fall.
"I don't think I knew what love meant before I met you. You make me feel wanted. Appreciated. You give me everything I need and so much more. I cherish every second, even if it's just entertaining guests during a barbecue.I feel loved. And I love you—and it doesn't matter what anyone else says, Gray. I don't care because it's just about you and me. And that's all that matters. I'm ready to fight for us, even if it means going against everyone else’s expectations."
I didn't care that I was overwhelming him with words. That I was letting him see deeper than ever before. And if he still wanted to send me away, then I would leave with dignity. Leave him and not look back, even though I couldn't believe that everything had changed so drastically within minutes.
