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Dane’s missing class for me. Fear slowly creeps into my heart, as his father’s words echo in my mind, shattering every cell of my body. “I know you do. That’s why I know you’ll do what’s best for him.” I can’t be the reason for him failing to reach the goal he has worked for his entire life, and I’ve been there with him every step of the way.
The door opens and closes, and my whole body shakes, knowing I’m minutes away from breaking both of our hearts. I sit on the edge of the bed, frozen.
I hear him breaking the seal of a bottle, filling a glass with water, and his heavy steps get closer. He walks into my bedroom and sees the tears streaking down my cheeks. “Are you in pain? Has it gotten worse? What can I do? Here.” He holds out the glass and ginger pills.
I take a drink of the water and put the pills on the nightstand. “I’m okay.”
His eyes narrow in confusion. As much as I want to fight for us, guilt consumes me. Dane will do anything for me, and I need to do this for him.
Grabbing his hands, I pull him to sit by me on the bed, and I reposition myself, sitting cross-legged. “I… I want to go back to being the way we were—just best friends.”
Dane’s face pinches, moving slightly from left to right. “What?”
Struggling to find the strength to follow through, my chest heaves. “I love you. But I need my life back. We’re both half-assing everything we do. Graduating with the highest honors means something to me. I can barely stay awake when I’m training from staying up half the night.”
“Lettie, you’ve always partied Thursday night through Sunday. Honest.”
“I can’t be the reason you don’t achieve your goals, and I don’t want you to be the reason I don’t reach mine.”
His eyes search mine, darting around. “Are you involved with Jasper Cole?”
“What? No.”
“This doesn’t make any sense. I love you more than anyone in the entire world. More than my parents. I know that sounds awful but Lettie, you are my fucking world.”
“That’s the problem.”
He stands up, pacing around my bedroom, mumbling to himself, “Why?”
“Dane, we can still be best friends. I’ll always be here for whatever you need.” My heart feels like it’s stitched together, and each stitch is popping open, as I bleed out.
“Fuck that. You’re not making any sense. You’re sick and hallucinating or something.”
“I’m not,” I whisper as I stand and reach for his arm.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
He punches a hole in my bedroom wall. The drywall crumbles, dusting the floor with chalk like pieces. I stare at the mess, a reflection of my life without Dane.
Jumping back, I yell, “Dane.”
“Don’t do this, Lettie,” he pleads.
My tears feel like waterfalls coating my skin, and he brings his strong but trembling hands to my face. I lean my cheek into the warmth of his hand, and his thumbs sweep away one tear, but then the next one falls. “I have to.”
Chapter Forty
DANE
Istare into her green eyes covered with a thick film of tears. Why the hell is she crying when she’s breaking up with me? What a lame excuse… it’s for our own good so we can accomplish our dreams or whatever shit she said. Why doesn’t she understand I don’t need basketball or be at the top of my class? I need her. She’s all I need, and everything else is a bonus.
Making a fool of myself, I drop to my knees and beg, “Please don’t, Lettie. I don’t understand.”
“You’re the right guy at the wrong time,” she says as she spins away, turning her back to me.
I snap back to my feet, grabbing her elbow and forcing her to look at me.. “I ruined you. You won’t find anyone who can love you like I do. Go back to faking orgasms. Go back to drinking and hooking up. Is that what you want? Do it, Lettie. I dare you to play the fucking field. Because when you come back to me, you’re taking a chance that I’ll be waiting.”
The entire bottle of ginger can’t settle my stomach. Anger consumes me, filling every part of my body. I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t want this, and I have no idea why the sudden change of heart.
