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“I know that. But I don’t need a front-row seat to it.” My hands clench his shirt, a desperate plea for him to understand. I know what I’m about to ask is fueled by fear, but my breaking heart pushes the words out. “Take some time off. I have plenty of money for both of us. Run away with me.”
He bows his head before locking eyes with me again. “I can’t just up and leave my job. I worked years to get into the K-9 unit. And Riggs—I’d have to give him up. There has to be another answer.” His eyes dart past me to Dr. Betty, pleading for help. She can’t change my mind either. “You’re letting him win,” he asserts.
“I don’t know what to do!” I throw my arms out in frustration. “I’ve tried continuing with my life here. We take one step forward, and he shows up, and we end up taking three steps back.”
“Tell me you don’t love me,” he demands, his words intensifying.
“I do love you.” I bite my lip. That’s why this pain in my chest deepens by the second.
“I’m sure Amy would let you go back to the ranch,” Dr. Betty adds, attempting to untangle the knot of our impasse.
“That’s it. That’s what you should do.” Paxton pleads with his eyes, cupping my face with his hands.
It crossed my mind, but if I keep putting my life on hold because of this bastard, I’ll have more regrets than leaving. I want a life. I just can’t have one here. I shake my head again, and he drops his hands. His expression turns to stone.
“You just told me today that you’d never leave me. Remember?”
That was before. Everything has changed.
He growls in frustration. “If you leave, we’re finished.”
I jerk back in surprise. “Really? You’re giving me an ultimatum right now?”
“You’ve left me twice. I love you and would do anything to keep you safe, but you keep leaving me!” he roars.
I glance at Dr. Betty for help, but she keeps quiet. Of all the times to keep quiet, it has to be now? I clear the emotions from my throat, trying to keep my tone neutral. “You have to understand this from my side.”
“I don’t!” he snaps back and then storms past me out of the bedroom.
Tears roll down my cheek. “Way to back me up,” I mutter to Dr. Betty, falling back on the bed.
“He has a right to be upset. While I understand you feeling the need to put space between you and your captor, his feelings are justifiable as well. He’ll come to an understanding. But it might not be the outcome that you want.”
I sit up. “Am I wrong for ruining this?”
“I can’t answer that.” Her hands, though aged with spots and thinned by time, are loving and warm as she reaches for me. “Sometimes, people need more than love. Only you can answer that. But don’t make a rash decision, Kali. Give it a day to sink in, and then make your decision.”
Tomorrow won’t make this pain go away. The woman’s screams are living in my head. I feel the scratching and kicking in my hands and legs. Distance won’t help this torture, but there’s an irrational hope that if I wasn’t around, he wouldn’t be doing this. Maybe he’ll let her go if he finds out that I’m gone. That he can’t get to me.
He’s doing this show for me, and if I don’t attend, the show’s over.
We walk into the living room, and Paxton’s sitting on the couch, his ball cap lowered over his face. Dr. Betty reaches for my hand and gives it a small squeeze. “Call me and let me know your plans. I’m always here for you.”
I nod. “I will. Thank you for coming.”
Paxton stands, putting his cap back on his head. “Thanks, Dr. Betty.”
She gives him a slight nod and then leaves. The air chills around us, mirroring the icy tension between us.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, tears burning my eyes. The fear and anger that was weighing my emotions down dissipates, and I can’t stop the torrent of tears. “I just can’t breathe. How can you love me? This isn’t me. I don’t even recognize myself.” I throw my arms out. “I’ve never been so flighty in my entire life. I’ve moved three times in the last couple months, college is so overwhelming, I’m not even sure it’s for me, and then on top of all that, there’s him. I just don’t know which way is which anymore. He lets me become comfortable to just show back up and…” I hiccup through the tears. “It feels like he’s wrapping his hands around my neck and squeezing. And now he has a plan. I’m next. I. Can’t. Breathe.” He pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing as I cry. My body trembles against his solid frame.
“You’ll be alone, though,” he murmurs into my hair, his earlier harsh tone now softened.
If there’s anything I know in this world, it’s how to be alone.
We stand in each other’s embrace for several minutes in silence. My head spins. Nothing is clear. It’s hard for me to focus on anything except the way I feel in his arms.
“Where will you go?” he finally asks.
