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She chuckles. “Just meet him.” I narrow my eyes, and she holds up her hands. “That’s it. It’ll do you good to get some fresh air, too.”
Fresh air that smells like death.
I exhale, the weight of despair pressing down on me. And then force the answer out of my lips. “Fine.”
I hate this person living inside me. The real me, the one that isn’t unappreciative or rude, is being swallowed by the darkness. I can’t find the light. Amy has been nothing but kind and encouraging, but I can’t help but be insolent.
An hour later, Amy and I step out the front door. It’s the first time I’ve been outside since I got here. The breeze caresses my face, and as much as I hate to admit it, it feels invigorating. I stop on the top stair, close my eyes, and focus on the sun’s warmth and the cooler breeze swirling around me. If I listen closely, I can hear cows in the distance and birds flying overhead. It’s actually peaceful out here.
I can do this. One step at a time. I open my eyes, catching Amy staring at me, a triumphant smile playing on her lips as if she had won a silent battle.
“Ready?” she asks softly.
I nod and take the three steps down. I only have to meet him, I keep reminding myself as we approach the bright red barn standing out against the green grass surrounding it.
With hay crunching underfoot, we step through the large door. I’ve been in a barn once. Devon Michaels was a farmer’s kid, and one night after a party, we found a quiet spot in one stall. The smell of horse manure takes me back. One of the many regretful nights I had been searching for the male attention missing in my life.
Shaking off the memory, I follow Amy. I recognize Rusty the second I see him. His powerful red head sticks out of his stall, eyes full of curiosity.
“Hey big guy,” Amy says, producing a carrot out of her overalls and feeding it to him. I stand back in awe of the magnificent creature. He’s larger in person, which I didn’t think could happen. “Rusty,” she says, petting his muzzle, “this is Kali.” She nudges his head in my direction. “Kali, this is Rusty.” She gestures for me to come closer.
It takes me a beat to work up the nerve to move. Not wanting to scare the animal, I take slow, hesitant steps until I’m standing beside her. I hold up my bandaged hands, a silent reminder. Again, I don’t want to scare the beast who could kill me with one stomp. She shakes her head gently and takes my left hand, guiding it to his nose. My heart races triple time.
“Hi,” I whisper, wishing I could feel his coat.
“I’ll be right back,” Amy says. I jerk my head toward her, panic rising. She can’t leave me alone with this giant. “It’ll be okay. I just need to take Cash out to the runner.”
I watch her lead another horse from the barn, leaving me alone with Rusty. A warm puff of air hits my face as his velvety nose nuzzles my cheek, surprising me. I jump back, my speeding heart jumping into my throat.
I am not a carrot, dude.
He lowers his head and then bobs it up and down, as if encouraging me to come closer. That’s what it means, right? I take a hesitant step forward, and he nuzzles my face again. This time I laugh—a sound I haven’t heard in days. His nostrils flare as he takes in my scent.
I lift my left hand and run it over his nose. “I hear you’re supposed to help me,” I say, my voice trembling. He responds by stroking his muzzle against my cheek again. I press my forehead against the bridge of his nose, placing both of my hands on his powerful jaws, and close my eyes. I listen to his breathing, noting how still he’s keeping. For me.
An intense wave of emotion crashes over me, breaking through the numbness I’ve built around my heart. I can’t live in this darkness anymore. My hands shake, but Rusty doesn’t move away. I don’t think I’m strong enough to get through this alone. Tears stream down my face, and I hiccup as I plead, “Please, please help me.”
CHAPTER 15
Kali
“I’m exhausted, and it’s not even noon yet,” I say to Dr. Betty, walking out of the barn, dusting off my jeans. Therapy helps, I think. Sometimes, I wonder if it just mentally occupies my mind so the fears don’t have a chance to surface. Dr. Betty doesn’t agree and promises me she can see me slowly healing. I stop walking when I see an unfamiliar pickup truck in the driveway.
Usually, they warn me when expecting anyone.
The front door opens, and Martinez walks out. His eyes meet mine, and he tips his hat. I haven’t seen him since I left the hospital two weeks ago. I try to read his expression from this distance, but his steely expression gives nothing away.
Please be here with good news.
We reach the stairs, and Dr. Betty pats me on the shoulder. “I’m going to go in and talk with Amy for a little bit before I head out. You okay?”
“I’m all right,” I say, leaning against the stair railing.
Martinez leans against the other side and waits for Dr. Betty to go inside.
“I just wanted to touch base with you about the investigation,” he starts, and I nod in anticipation. “This is going to sound frustrating because we’re still in the stages of collecting and analyzing everything, so we don’t have a lot to tell you. But a few things have come up I wanted to run by you.”
I sigh. Not what I wanted to hear.
