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She begged me to let her drive me to Austin, but I don’t want to inconvenience her. Instead, I’m taking a bus to Austin, and I’m not taking anything with me. All my second-hand clothes were bagged up, except one tiny suitcase of necessities, and stuffed in the donation box in the grocery store parking lot on the way to bingo. This is the fresh start I’ve always wished for.
Tomorrow morning, my life starts over at ten when the bus leaves.
I push the melancholy thoughts from my head and replace them with excitement for Monday. The day I become a millionaire. A shot of energy rushes through me, and I shiver, dancing in the street.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve checked the ticket, verifying the numbers, expecting to have transposed two digits, and this is all be a horrible mistake. Because that would be my non-luck. But every time is the same.
I won the lottery.
Of course, it’ll be weeks until I see the money in my bank account, but between my credit card and the money I have saved up, there’s enough to get me through the next few weeks.
As I pass the convenience store, I debate going and saying goodbye to Henry. There’s no possible way he hasn’t heard by now that I’m leaving. I’ve kept my distance from him this week, expecting he’d want to talk about the lottery. He knows nobody has come forward. He also knows I bought a ticket. I could try to lie, but with my runaway mouth, the moment he asked about my ticket, I’d spill the truth. So far, Pearl has kept her promise of secrecy, and I’d like to keep it to just her. I’ll just send him a goodbye note instead.
My steps slow as the store’s lights fade behind me, and the street in front of me darkens. I tilt my head, looking to my left and right. Is it always this dark? Just a block from my apartment, I wonder if the moon is hiding behind clouds. I’m close enough to my apartment building I can see a checkered pattern of lights from inside homes. But where I’m at right now, eerie blackness surrounds me. The tall trees don’t help.
Focused on my building ahead, I quicken my pace, determined to shake off the odd sensation. I glance around. It’s only ten o’clock at night, and off in the distance, there are a couple of car horns, probably coming from the On the Rocks bar. It’s only a few blocks away from here, and some of the guys like to show off their new bullhorns. It’s as if they’re comparing the size of their dicks.
I keep my eyes wide open, and that’s when I see it. A broken light at the tracks. See. Nothing to worry about. That’s why it’s dark. It must’ve burned out. I let out a sigh of relief and release the tension in my shoulders, slowing my pace.
I’ve never been scared of the night, but rather found peace in it. It’s the time when all the judgmental townspeople are tucked away in their beds. It’s also where I found trouble.
The fun kind. Boys, drinking, and parties.
My nights of wild parties are in the past and are now spent by myself on the roof of my building, sipping on a glass of wine from a box, but I still find peace when the moon is out. That’s what I need tonight. A glass of wine and an eighties playlist.
Yep, it’s the perfect going-away party.
I sing “Step by Step” by New Kids on the Block as I put one foot in front of the other, dancing in the street. I hop over the train tracks. I’m not an eighties baby, but there were sisters in the group home who had a crush on Joey McIntyre and would listen to them nonstop.
I feel the prick first.
My hand jerks to my neck. What the hell stung me?
A hand wraps around my mouth, and I’m forced back against a solid body. Panic claws up my throat as I scream into a gloved palm and writhe against his tight hold. His muscular arm holds my arms in place, so I kick back, hitting air at first but then connecting once to a shin. The man moans, but it doesn’t deter him. Instead, his fingers curl tighter over my mouth, sending shooting pain down my jaw. Seconds pass, and my vision blurs. My legs feel like they are stuck in cement as I try to kick more. I focus on the lights in my building, determined to stay awake, but they slowly fade until my entire world goes black.
CHAPTER 6
Kali
Present day…
The universe holds its breath as if time itself has frozen in this moment. There are no sounds. No lights. Nothing but black space surrounds me. Time has stopped between the space of heaven and hell. I’d say I was in hell, but you have to be dead to be in hell.
And I’m very much alive.
In the timeless void, there’s nothing to do but think. My memories, still blurry, are likely due to whatever drug was jabbed into my neck. I was walking home, and it was darker than normal. Did he shoot out the light? Where did he come from? Was he waiting for me? Why me? How long was I out?
Question after question gnaws at my insanity, leaving me with an unsettling sense of unease. Again, I try kicking. Screaming. Punching. And then I scream some more until it feels like shards of glass are tearing through my throat.
“I’m sorry,” I cry out, the words echoing into the emptiness. Not to him, he’s not there. But I want to right all the wrongs I’ve ever done. The one time I stole a candy bar from Mr. Bane or the one time I told my mom that I didn’t eat all the Pringles and blamed it on Dad. I’m even sorry for ruining Hobie’s image by sleeping around, despite his awful words to me. I’m sorry to Henry. I should’ve given him a chance. We might have fallen in love and had a happy life. I’m sorry to Pearl for leaving her. And I’m sorry to God for asking for such a self-serving gift.
I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing, allowing my body to drift into the void. The four walls around me blur as I send a silent prayer that I’ll go fast. The realization that I’m going to die has killed the fight inside me. I’m already a corpse
waiting for the heart to give up. Numbness spreads through me, the tears have dried up, and the pain in my fingers and legs from trying to claw my way out throbs.
A song I haven’t sung since my mom was alive pops into my head. The song she would sing to me at bedtime to put me to sleep.
She’s calling me.
