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He peeks in the jar and chuckles. He pulls out his wallet and places a dollar in the jar.
“Thank you,” she says, putting it back on the shelf, obviously proud of herself. She goes back into the bedroom to get ready for bed.
“You could have warned me we have the bad-word police here.”
“There’s no fun in that. Don’t worry, it won’t be your last. That little girl has long-distance radar for hearing bad words.” I shake my head, laughing as I go into my room.
“Alright, Lexi, it’s time for bed.” She hops on my bed, slipping right into the middle. My heart warms seeing her in my bed again. I know the circumstances of her being here are horrible—and I might be a little selfish thinking it—but I love seeing her in my bed. I lie down beside her, cuddling with her.
“Are you sad about your aunt? You haven’t said much about her tonight,” I ask while I twirl her hair around my finger.
Her little shoulders shrug. “I don’t know her,” she whispers, staring into my eyes. “And I don’t like her very much. She wasn’t very nice to me.” I close my eyes and sigh. Bitch. Who couldn’t love Lexi the minute you meet her?
“Well, if you ever need to talk about it, you can always talk to me.”
“Is the bad man going to try and take me again?” she asks, moving her body a little closer to me.
“Not if I can help it.”
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
“I know, sweet girl, but you’re safe here with me.”
“And me, Tater Tot,” Aiden says sitting on the bed. She rolls over and smiles at him. Rolling back over and closing her eyes, I start humming our song. My eyes are closed as I’m humming when I hear a deep voice softly start singing with my humming. Aiden’s singing has always had a profound effect on me, but hearing him sing this song to Lexi … I can literally feel my fractured heart fuse together piece by piece. I open my eyes when I feel movement, and see Lexi reaching behind her with her little hand, searching for something. When Aiden grabs hold of her hand, she settles. Aiden lies down behind her and together we put her to sleep.
I keep my eyes closed, knowing that Aiden’s gaze is pinned on me. I’m afraid if he sees my eyes right now, he’ll misread the love that I have for him. I can’t deny that I love this man. Our connection hasn’t broken. But I am. He might think I’m not broken, but I am. I don’t know if I can put him through more than he’s already been through. I don’t know if I can give him all of me again. I wanted to die because of the love I have for him. It scares the ever-living shit out of me that he holds that much power over me. He doesn’t even know it.
We’ve come too far to start fresh. The past has molded me and while I’m definitely ready to move on with my life, I don’t know if I can move on with him. I squeeze my eyes tighter, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to handle being intimate again.
When we finish the song, I open my eyes and our eyes lock. His eyebrows draw together as he watches me. I nod toward the door and move as softly as I can to get off the bed. Aiden does the same.
I grab us both a bottle of water from the fridge and then sit on the couch. He sits down, laying his arm across the back of the couch, turned toward me.
“Where’d you go in there?” he asks.
I shake my head and look down. “Just thinking about stuff.”
“Addison,” he commands softly. I look up into his beautiful green eyes. “I have no clue where we stand, but the last thing I want to do is cause you more stress. If this is too much…” he gestures between us with his hand, “…you need to let me know. I can request to be sent back out in the field.” The thought of him leaving sends a sharp pain to my heart. And it confuses me. I’m all over the place tonight.
I sigh. “Aiden, seeing you has brought on feelings that I haven’t had in months. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I don’t know—”
“You’re unsure. To me, that’s not a no,” he says, interrupting me, his voice confident. “I have no expectations other than it’s a maybe.” His lips curl up into a smile.
Can I do a maybe when a couple seconds ago it was more of a no? My thoughts are like walking a straight line, drunk. As much as my mind wants to move forward, it’s the needing to sidestep that is stopping me from getting there. And Aiden’s on the side where my body wants to go.
I softly smile back. “It’s a maybe. But not right now.”
“I agree, right now we need to find the son of a bitch who is trying to kill Lexi.” I look at the partially closed bedroom door. “You’ve become close to her,” he says in a hushed voice.
“I have,” I say, leaning my head on the back of the couch, looking at him. “How could you not? Have you seen those eyes? It’s like her little secret weapon to get people to do whatever the hell she wants you to do.” I laugh.
“I know that exact feeling about eyes hypnotizing you,” he says, arching his eyebrow. I roll my eyes with a shake of my head. I playfully reach my foot over and push his thigh.
“Stop. We’re not talking about me.” I narrow my eyes.
“Sorry, I was just saying that I understand,” he says, holding his hands in the air. The slight touch of my foot on his thigh makes my heart beat a little faster, but I can’t seem to move it away. It’s that damn pull we have, a side step. The one I’m trying to fight. And seem to be losing at the moment.
“She has helped me so much being here. She’s given me a reason to get better. She needs me.”
