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“I feel…terrible for what you’ve gone through, and for what you’re facing. And please don’t take that as pity, because it’s not. It’s just that I feel you. I have since I first saw you.”
“It’s the same for me. I don’t understand it, but sometimes these things have no explanation.”
“Yes, that’s it exactly. But Master,” I say, my eyes filling once more with tears, “I will take whatever time with you I can have. With you both, but…I am so drawn to you. It’s as if I can read you, feel what you’re feeling. I hope you don’t think that’s presumptuous of me.”
“No. I want you to speak your truth. It’s important right now.”
He reaches out and strokes my hair from my cheek, a move so careful, so tender, yet with a little awkwardness to it, from a man I feel certain has never felt awkward in his life. It fills me up, my body full of a strange warmth that’s new to me.
When he leans in to kiss me, I lift my face, and he presses his lips to mine. They’re a bit stern, but very quickly they soften, and he kisses me deeply. A kiss full of desire, but more than that, emotion.
He pulls back and says to me, “I never expected this. With you. With any woman.”
“Do you want to tell me about that?” I ask, emboldened by his kiss.
He drops his gaze to the porch floor for a moment, and when he lifts it to mine once more, the pain is so dark and striking, I can hardly bear to see it.
“I know Erek told you about my sister, Béatrice.”
I nod for him to continue.
“It’s difficult to explain. Our mother was very involved in her own life. Her charity work, travel, the usual pastimes of a wealthy European lady. We had houses in Frankfurt, Paris, London. But mostly my sister and I stayed in Germany while she went about her life. And so Béatrice was truly the only woman in my life. The only one I’ve ever really loved. And losing her was so… Well.” He pauses to clear his throat and stays silent for several long moments. I can almost see his thoughts shifting around in his mind.
“I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember, so it’s never been a question of could I be with a woman. But also, after I lost my sister, I was determined never to love a woman. It was far too painful.” He lifts his hand to my face once more and strokes my cheek, making me tremble. “But now somehow I find I have love in my heart for you. So unexpectedly. And I will be honest and say that I don’t know what to do with it. It was Erek who made me face this, who insisted I stick it out, figure out what it’s about for me. And to be honest, I can’t face the idea of losing you.”
I reach out to him then, feeling that he needs my touch. Some reassurance. Comfort. I lay my hand on his sharply cut jaw. “I don’t ever want to leave you, Master.”
He turns and places a kiss on my palm, holding my hand in his. “But you know I will be leaving you soon? Erek explained that to you?”
“Yes.”
The tears fall, slipping down my cheeks.
“Then let us enjoy each other while we can. The three of us. And when my time is up, I hope you’ll stay with him. He’ll need you, Mina.”
“I will stay with him, as long as he’ll have me.”
“Ah, you can say that now, but the truth is, you hardly know us. Love often comes before the big conversations, which, due to the dynamic, have mostly not been had.”
“Yes. But love often happens far more quickly for those of us who experience these intense things together, is that not so?”
“It is, yes. Absolutely. It’s more of…a vibe, as the kids say these days. God, I sound like I’m a thousand years old!” he says with a small, sharp chuckle.
He is all sharp edges, this Master, and yet I love that about him. His sharpness feeds me. And it means that much more when I’m able to penetrate the shield he surrounds himself with. I can easily see how Master Erek fell in love with him.
“‘Vibe’ may be a silly, vague word,” I tell him, “but I believe that’s exactly what it is. More a feeling than something I can put my finger on. It’s nothing so substantial… It’s like a warm breeze blowing through an open window. You don’t see, but you feel it.”
He nods. “Yes. That’s it exactly. It’s a sensation more than an entity. It simply is.” He locks his gaze with mine, that dark, dark gaze full of shadows, but which is also full of light at this moment. “And it’s undeniable.”
“Yes,” I reply, the word a mere whisper, but it makes him smile in a way I’ve never seen him smile.
It fades all too quickly.
“But still, my Girl, we will have a hard road ahead.”
“I understand that. But I can do it; I know I can. If I didn’t feel the way I do for you two, for you, Master…it might be impossible. But I love you. I do. Please don’t try to talk me out of it. My decision has been made.”
He shakes his head. “It’s too soon, lovely Girl. We’ll give you some more time to be with us before you come to a final conclusion. No, don’t try to argue. I am still your Master, and this is what’s left of my future. I must handle it all as I see fit. Even Erek won’t argue this with me. Now, let’s go inside and get ready to travel. We’re taking you to our house in Lake Tahoe. I miss my lake and my mountains. Erek will help you get ready.”
