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Holding back laughter, F-man pulled a soft throw down over me, ignored when I hissed at him, and told me to sleep well.
Crossing my arms, I lean against the locked side of the front double doors and arch a brow. “What is happening right now?”
F-man smiles—but of course he does. He hasn’t stopped smiling since he convinced me that it was absolutely girlfriend behavior to show him every outfit I tried on, as long as it fit and I didn’t hate it with every ounce of blood in my body. “What do you mean?” he asks.
“I said goodbye. Go back to your little limo and your little bodyguards. This is my house now. This was a first date. I don’t partake of intimacies without more commitment, so if you’re waiting around for a goodnight kiss, I’m going to slam the door in your face and tell my dear sweet Penny that you’ve assaulted me. Nothing burns worse than her scathing disapproval. Her lips pinch, and she does this thing.” I try to imperceptibly shake my head a mere half inch either direction, then I groan and sag. “I can’t do it right, but, trust me, it destroys self-esteem.”
“I’m not waiting for a kiss.”
“Oh. Excellent.” I delay a moment. “Am I unaware of some other ritual that would breach my contract of act like a girlfriend?”
He braces his arm against the door, leaning in too close while his other hand dances taps against his thigh. “I can’t help but notice…you haven’t said my name this entire day.”
Dread hits the pool of derision in my gut. “Guess it hasn’t come up.”
“Why don’t you try a goodnight, Finn on for size?”
A swallow sticks in my throat. “No, I don’t think I will.”
“Are you still calling me Mr. Marsh in your head? Or perhaps you’ve never thought of me as Mr. Marsh. I’ll accept whatever insulting moniker you’ve blessed me with as a nickname.”
I will throw myself down the front steps and die before I tell him I’ve been calling him F-man in my head for the past day. “Sorry. In full recognition of the fact my hatred is largely uncalled for, I have maintained mental respect for you as my boss. You have not warranted any clever code names amongst my friends. And, truly, I do my best not to think about you at all.”
He rests his head against his arm. “That makes me sad. It’s like you’re saying I’ve been of such little consequence, I’m not worth a speck of energy beyond what you are obligated to provide.”
I suck my teeth and avert my eyes.
“Ow.”
“What can I say? I’m a big fan of separating the professional and the personal…”
“You don’t have the kind of job that allows such a thing. I have called you at two in the morning and told you we’re flying to Japan in an hour.”
I stretch my lips into a smile. “I know, and I still haven’t forgiven you.”
“I bought you a lunch shaped like a cat to apologize for the inconvenience.”
“It took every last bit of my acting skills to gracefully behead that cat without letting on that the ketchup placement was fully intentional.”
Bathed in dusky shadows, he chuckles. His hand—edged in moonlight—lifts, and I tense as it draws near. “Sorry,” he murmurs, inches from my face. “May I cup your cheek?”
“I don’t foresee enjoying that.”
His fingers close, but his hand doesn’t lower. “You aren’t actually all that affectionate, are you?”
“I’m really not. I have been known to hit children who touch me unexpectedly.” I grimace, too aware that his hand is still hovering. “Listen. We’re really different people. I can’t be whatever it is you’re looking for even if my answers to your form questions amused or impressed you. On paper, we’re both smart enough to seem complementary, but I’m not going to be whatever you need to fill whatever you’re trying to inside. If you need comfort to feel loved, if you need expressions of touch or romantic words, that’s not how I operate.”
“How do you operate when you love someone? How do your friends know you love them?”
Static buzzes in my head. My gaze drifts off his face. I search the pristine stone porch at his feet. “I don’t… I don’t know. Brigid was the only person in my high school who didn’t annoy me. I approached her and asked if she had a vacancy for a friend. Later, Brigid found Penny, and I thought she was insane, because Penny has always been this bubbly monstrosity, but—” Swearing, I laugh. “—no. Brigid was right. Penny gets us.”
“Has it just been the three of you since?”
“Yeah. No one else liked us much. Well, okay. Boys liked Penny, but no one else liked us, and we didn’t like them, so we didn’t let them touch her.”
“Interesting…” His attention slips over my every inch. “And you don’t know how you love them even though you clearly adore them with everything in you?”
Eyes rolling skyward, I free an irritated sigh. “I’ve never thought about it before. I guess…maybe…when I love someone, I try to fulfill their needs. Whatever that may be in the moment. I just want them to be happy, so I try to become the pieces they’re missing from their happiness.”
