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It was a very compelling pep talk. And, technically, he couldn’t lie, so logic demanded the words were true as they had indeed managed to leave his mouth. Alas, he also desperately wanted to take the washcloth to bed and cuddle it, which felt like a somewhat substantial argument against him.
He had to find a way to have a decent conversation with Kassandra. Discover why she hated him. Tell her he was more than ready to go to war in order to earn her affections. He simply required her consent before he began his chase, for pursuing a woman against her will was incredibly indecent.
Unfortunately, Pollux was starkly unprepared for this…fear inside him that suggested she would not provide consent, that suggested she might turn him away completely, that suggested something he did not even know he had done would end everything before it could begin.
His brain crippled in her presence. Without the protection of the terrors that made him up, his body seemed vulnerable.
He didn’t know how to cope without his overpowering shield of fear. She left him feeling naked and insecure, like she’d stolen his natural defenses and made him as helpless as a starving boogeyman the morning after the sun rose and all fear vanished.
Weakness was not a sensation he found himself familiar with often.
And the way she looked at him…
The barely restrained hatred in her deep brown eyes kind of activated his fight response.
Because he did not know what he’d done to be hated, he really wanted to grab her wrists in one fist, push her into the wall, and ask. The way she weakened him made him want to assert dominance.
Like an animal.
Like a tiny puppy barking its head off in an effort to say actually, my dear, I am big; don’t let the fact I’m cowering fool you.
Yeah.
Pollux had literally no idea what to do with himself or his feelings. He was unaccustomed to experiencing them like this.
The way he wanted her was violent.
The way she didn’t want him made him want her more.
And, truly, he didn’t like the way that idea tasted in his brain.
Kassandra was his soulmate. She deserved respect. Unless she also expressed a clear desire to fight, he would not give in to any of his depraved wishes. Part of having a soulmate was understanding that while soulmates were impeccably crafted for one another, they also served as a means to better each other.
Assumption was selfish.
And selfishness was the opposite of love.
It was only very recently Pollux had learned that unseelie fae like him could have soulmates. Prior to when Cael had found his, both of them suspected neither would ever find the match their souls longed for.
To say Pollux knew precious little about how to behave in regular social settings would be an understatement.
Pollux was an awkward mess of a man who’d had very limited interactions with women who could withstand him. In fact, before meeting Cael’s mate, Alana, Pila was the only woman he’d ever met who could stand his fear-soaked presence.
Having insufficient data for things he could not ethically test made him itchy. Being unsure and nervous turned his brain to mush.
Kassandra made logic hard.
She was beautiful. And precious. She radiated the innocence of a child and the grace of an unspeakable disaster.
Pollux was much too aware she could reject him in favor of her human life. And he would have to respect that.
Already, he found himself consumed by the mere concept of her. The level of adoration he held for her existence alone could be nothing short of the first buds of love. So if there were things in humanity that he might steal her from, things in humanity that she loved more than she may ever be willing to love him, he would have to come to terms with accepting that.
Still, unlike some, he would not submit himself to uncertainty without first making himself as clear as he could.
Kassandra was part human, raised human.
He would propose to her in the human way to show his earnest intentions, and he would absolutely, completely, and entirely not bite her, grab her, or press her into anything until after she agreed to either court or marry him.
