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And, yet, as I stand looking at the vacant ice skating rink I have been bringing my littles to for years, I am overwhelmed.
I have never seen it this empty.
“It’s ours!” Riley screams, throwing her arms in the air before baby-deer stumbling toward the entrance. The other kids squeal and go fumbling after her. Andromeda, the absolute freaking angel, helps my littlest little with one of the big plastic trainers as everyone else goes ballistic with power.
Josh wipes out before I can gather my senses.
“Josh. Are you still alive, soldier?” Zahra calls as he skids through the center of the rink.
The boy laughs, throws a thumb in the air, and is back on his feet after another second.
I…need to sit down.
I brought my knitting.
I was planning to finish knitting my father his Christmas sweater on the bleachers while I watched my littles and passed out snacks whenever they got hungry.
After the peaceful outing that was watching Howl’s Moving Castle with everyone at Willow’s on Thursday, I was just about talking myself into everything being okay. Zahra was able to talk with Cael in private, joke with Ollie—who recognized her the moment she recognized him. Apparently, they’re both pretty popular online? For a moment, they stood in Willow’s living room pointing at each other, like that one Spider-man meme, and I guess that explains why all this time I’ve felt like I’ve seen him somewhere before…
The point is: after movie night, my nerves settled. Things returned to all right in my world.
It’s incredibly telling that I began to feel better the second Zahra was okay again. My entire self-worth really relies a hundred percent on the people I care about, huh?
I do not exist.
I am an extension of those around me, meant to create a fuller experience for them.
That’s all.
So, obviously, it shouldn’t bother me that Pollux went ahead and rented this entire rink without talking to me about it. That’s par for the course in the life of a side character. My story arc doesn’t even need to make sense. I’m like that scarecrow guy in Howl’s Moving Castle. The second the real leads are done with me, I’ll just pogo myself away.
For some reason.
I really need to read the book, because the movie felt like an absolute acid trip, and I have a feeling I’m missing so much context…
Slowly, achingly so, I locate Pollux—who is checking his skates without a care in the world.
When he finds me, his back goes straight. “Are you trying to kill me with your eyes?”
“A little. Is it working?”
More graceful than a man walking on two blades should be allowed to, he steps nearer me. “It’s doing something.” His dark gaze searches me as he absently pulls a pair of winter gloves onto his large, clawless hands. “Have I done something wrong?”
“You rented the rink. The entire rink.”
“You sent me a video of scary things happening to children then asked me to help you protect yours. What else did you expect me to do?”
My heart does a thing. I suck in a breath. “How much did it cost?”
“A negligible amount in the grand scheme of things.”
As if that isn’t a very fae answer of him. Glancing down, I say, “You’re going to skate?”
“Don’t worry. I will stay close to where you’re sitting. It’s just that Meda asked if I would skate with her on the bus ride earlier, and I found it difficult to say no to my daughter.”
My heart does another thing.
He takes his phone out of his pocket. “Would you be willing to capture something of this excursion on camera? My pin is 0227.”
