AllFreeNovel
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The phone buzzes against my ear while I’m waiting for Alana to pick up late and interrupt my voicemail, so I pull it away in time to see that the caller ID doesn’t say “Alpha Sister” and instead says Doliver. Tension floods into my limbs as I also see a text at the top of the screen.
Doliver: …hey.
The robot voice asking if I’d like to send my message makes me scream, fumble, and blessedly manage to cancel it.
Before I throw my phone across the room and squeak.
Heart racing, I stare where my phone landed askew on the carpet.
I forgot.
I absolutely forgot.
Normally, only Alana is in my recents.
But I called Doliver, while sobbing, last night.
When my phone screen lights again, I inch toward it. My hands are shaking when I finally manage to lift it and look.
Doliver: I got your message.
My message.
From last night.
Colorful language I’ve never managed to sputter streaks through my head as I try and fail to make my trembling fingers create coherent words. Giving up, I tap the audio message button. “I’msosorry.” My lips are shaking, too. “I… I haven’t been sleeping well. And I was deranged.”
Doliver: No. You weren’t.
I choke down a swallow. “I was. I promise I was. I’m actually insane. It’s just not been diagnosed yet because doctors scare me.” I’m rambling. I’m completely tipped off my rocker. I need psychiatric assistance. “I am so sorry.”
Doliver: You have nothing to be sorry about, sunshine. I am not good, and I know I’m not good. I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you with my inadequacy.
“You are good, Doliver. Please don’t tell yourself lies.”
Doliver: If you only knew.
Acid burns on the back of my tongue as I squeeze my eyes shut and speak. “No. If you only knew. Do you even understand? What you do, who you are, is something incredible. Since you’re only talking to one person with your music, I don’t think you get exactly how many lives you’ve touched, how many broken moments you’ve spared people from. You’ve saved lives with your songs because your heart shines in every line, and people who are starving for the beautiful things you want to offer feel it. And…and it’s almost enough to help them through another minute, another hour, another day.”
Doliver: If that’s the case, it’s an accident that has nothing to do with me.
Anger laces the edges of my tone, and I’m still shaking as I sag against the wall by my window. “It has everything to do with you. Whether you mean for it to or not. It happens because you share yourself authentically, and people want a part of who you are. They don’t think you’re inadequate. And I don’t, either.”
Doliver: You don’t understand.
“I really don’t.”
He sends a curse word. It looks angry on the screen.
Doliver: I’m scared, Brittny. Every second of every day. I am scared. I am not worthy of your energy. You jump at the opportunity to do anything for anyone, even when you barely have enough strength to take care of yourself. I can’t let myself take advantage of your heart. I can’t figure out how to undo what I’ve already done so that everything ends up okay. I have never wanted to hurt you, but at this point, I don’t know how to stop. I want to be friends. I don’t want to make my friendship a burden on you.
A tear slips down my cheek, and I force my fingers to type, to give him a solid record of the words I want to say.
Brittny: You are not a burden, and whoever made you feel like you are is wrong.
Doliver: I don’t know how you can say that when I’ve already caused you so much pain.
It’s simple. I’d rather be in pain than alone. I scrub the tear off my cheek.
