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No longer.
She wrapped her arms around herself as Allie poked her head out of the doorway leading to the kitchen. Her friend took one look at her, and her expression fell. “Oh, honey. What did he do?” She rushed to Becka and pulled her into a hug. It was a good hug.
She clung to Allie. “Why do you assume he did something and not me?”
“Because that’s not guilt on your face. That’s heartbreak.” She rubbed soothing circles on Becka’s back. “And I talked to you two days ago, and you were all giddy and very much in love.”
Becka blinked. “I’m not...” But there was no point in hiding from the truth anymore. Only love could feel like a spiked arrow through her chest, digging in deeper with each heartbeat that dragged her into a future that didn’t have Aaron in it. “Shit, I love him.”
“I know.” Allie huffed out a laugh. “Come sit down. I grabbed the cookie dough and some cranberry juice on the way here. Eat your sorrows and we’ll see if I need to go key Aaron’s car by the end of this conversation.”
Becka gave her a look. “While that might be satisfying, that’s also a little criminal.”
“Worth it.” Allie ushered her into a chair at the small nook table and placed a plate of cookies and a glass of cranberry juice in front of her. “Now, spill.”
And she did. Every little detail of the nightmarish doctor’s appointment and the ensuing marriage proposal that resulted in the fight that broke them. She broke the cookie she hadn’t managed to take a bite of and set it back on the table. “He left, Allie. I overreacted maybe—probably—but he just...walked out. And didn’t come back.”
“Which triggered every single issue you have.” Allie reached over and covered her hand with her own. “Why don’t you plan on staying here at least a couple days? Roman adores you, and it’d be nice to spend some more time with you.”
She was too devastated to make a swinger joke, which more than anything told her just how screwed up this situation was. She tried for a smile. “Thanks.”
“If you don’t want to see Aaron while you’re here, you don’t have to. We’ll keep him away until you’re ready to deal with him.”
The burning in her throat got worse, but she managed to whisper. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, Allie. He made his choice. Now I just have to learn to live with it.”
“Fuck that.”
She jerked back. “What?”
“If you’re done with him, that’s fine. I know you were kind of cagey about living with him in the first place.” Allie narrowed her eyes. “But if you’re retreating because you’re scared of getting hurt or rejected... Fuck that, Becka. Sometimes you have to be the one to take the lead and fight for what you want.” She held up her hand. “Not today. Not even tomorrow. But when the smoke clears and you can think again, you need to decide what you want. If that’s to keep going without him, then fine. If what you want is Aaron, then you need to fight for him.”
“Not today,” she said.
“Not today,” Allie agreed. She came around the table and gave her another hug. “Roman’s going to be working late, so why don’t we order in and watch a movie? Something mindless and no pressure.”
“That sounds good.” Her voice was thick with unshed tears. “What did I do to deserve such a great best friend?”
“Takes one to know one.” Allie tugged her to her feet, grabbed the plate of cookies and nudged her out of the kitchen and into the living room. “Besides, I seem to remember someone dragging me to a tropical island paradise not too long ago, and look how that turned out.”
She’d met the love of her life there.
Becka managed a smile. “Someone should make that someone more cookies.”
“On it!”
She settled into the couch and grabbed a throw blanket to wrap around her. While she waited for Allie, she replayed her friend’s words through her head.
Fight for him.
The very thought was laughable. How could she fight a losing battle? Aaron had made his choice. Not only had he left, but he’d stayed gone and iced her out. She couldn’t fight if there was no one there to fight with.
Becka swallowed hard. It was too soon to think about it. She could barely draw a breath without pain lancing her chest, and all she wanted to do was curl up with this plate of cookies under a blanket and cry for the next twelve hours. After that?
After that, she’d figure out what she was going to do.
Aaron stared at his computer screen, the letters blurring together the same way they had for the last thirty-odd hours. He couldn’t focus, too distracted by replaying his fight with Becka over and over again. Her outright refusal to talk about the future and willingness to stick her head in the sand when it came to every single future subject still made him see red. But beneath the surface-level anger was a fear he didn’t know how to deal with.
She didn’t want him.
