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oBITCHuary: I’m starting to have feelings.
McMonster: What kind of feelings?
oBITCHuary: Horny ones.
McMonster is typing…
McMonster is deleting…
McMonster is typing…
McMonster is deleting…
oBITCHuary: Are you okay?
oBITCHuary: It’s been twenty minutes and I can see that you’re online.
McMonster: Sorry, had to go scream into a pillow.
McMonster: Anyone specific that makes you horny, or is it just general horniness?
oBITCHuary: My not-so-nice dick of a boss.
oBITCHuary: Who also happens to have a VERY nice dick.
McMonster: The plot thickens.
oBITCHuary: Not just the plot.
oBITCHuary: Sorry, I’ll stop. No straight guy wants to hear about some other dude’s penis.
McMonster: So what are you planning to do about it?
oBITCHuary: Nothing! He’s my best friend’s brother and pretty horrific most of the time.
oBITCHuary: Plus, I really like you.
McMonster: I really like you too.
McMonster: I should really tell you that something.
oBITCHuary: Tomorrow, okay? Promise. I’m pooped. Good night, Mac.
McMonster: Good night, Bitchy.
ROW
“Ugh, this is so good my mouth just orgasmed.” Dylan threw her head back, closing her eyes. “What did you put in this?”
“Peas, salmon, risotto, my entire fucking soul.” I sat across from her in my mother’s kitchen, sorting out a Rubik’s Cube.
“Your soul? I can’t eat anything raw, dude. What the fuck?” Her plate of asparagus risotto in pea sauce and honey-glazed salmon was balanced over her huge stomach, which served as a table. She was mid-bite, the green sauce dripping down her chin. “Your soul is perpetually bleeding. I can’t have that.”
I didn’t look up from the cube, an unlit cigarette tucked in the corner of my mouth. “You’re extremely funny. Pissing my pants here.”
“Mooooooooom.” Dylan cupped her mouth. “Row said a bad word.”
“Row, give your sister fifty bucks,” Mom called from her bedroom.
