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McMonster: No.
oBITCHuary: ANY kind of sexual/intimate partner?
McMonster: The answer is no.
oBITCHuary: Same for me.
McMonster: I know. We’ve discussed it.
oBITCHuary: Why are you single? Haven’t found the right girl yet?
McMonster: Oh, I found her.
oBITCHuary: Then what is the problem?
McMonster: Only one of us fell.
oBITCHuary: Wow. I cannot imagine not falling for someone like you. Silly girl.
McMonster: That’s the worst part, though.
McMonster: She isn’t silly at all. She is fucking brilliant.
ROW
Well, well, well. If it wasn’t the consequences of my fucking actions.
I was breaking out in fucking hives. And why wouldn’t I be? I was allergic to Cal Litvin—and about to spend a whole lot of time with her. All because of Rhy, that thundercunt, who’d decided to make a point. If money was what she needed, I could’ve written her checks to keep her away.
Yet here I was, about to pick Cal up for her first shift at the restaurant because Little Miss Broke Ass didn’t have a bike to her name, let alone a car. Her mom did own a car, but she also had errands to run. It always amazed me, the lengths I went to for my sister and mother. They had talked me into this disastrous arrangement.
“Rowy, you smell so good! Is that a new aftershave?” Mom crooned as soon as I walked through her door, the scent of her eggplant parmesan hanging thick in the air.
“No,” I grumbled, trying to break loose from her leathery clutch as she pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Same cologne.”
Which I haven’t worn since I was sixteen.
Not that today was a special occasion or anything. I’d happened to find it in my bathroom cabinet when I was going through old medicine. Completely incidental.
“Where’s Dylan and what’s-her-face?” I peered around.
“Upstairs. Making excited, giggly sounds again.” Mom couldn’t contain her grin as she perched her arm on the stairway handrail, looking up. “I guess Dylan forgave her for whatever she did, huh?”
“Guess so.”
I hadn’t, though, and my grudge was as big as my cock.
Once upon a time, I was in love with Calla Litvin. She had broken my heart in two. Whether she had done it knowingly or klutzily didn’t matter. I wasn’t letting her anywhere near that organ again.
The wood plank stairs rattled under my boots as I made my way upstairs to Dylan’s room. Squeaking and shrieking filled my ears. Wherever that damn woman went, laughter followed. She was practically a clown. Staying the hell away wasn’t going to be hard the second time around.
“Don’t you dare!” Dylan crowed behind the door, snort-laughing. “Dot, it hurts! What are you doing? This is treason. If you leave a scar, I’ll give you an irrational fear of colanders. Cease this fuckery.”
A scar? What the fuck was she up to now?
“Trust me, okay? I read a manual on the internet. I’m eighty-three percent sure this’ll work.” Cal sounded breathless, like she was wrestling a bear in there.
“Normally, a certified nurse or a doctor does that, right?” Dylan sounded unconvinced.
