Page 158 of Truly Madly Deeply


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“She’s not making any sense,” I offered charitably.

“That’s hardly news.” My sister snorted, pulling at the collar of her shirt and rearranging her boobs in her bra.

“Do you have any…questions, maybe?” Cal pulled my sister’s hair back, using her own scrunchie to tie it into a fashionable bun.

“Yeah. Can anyone get me some M&M’s? I’ve been dying for sweets my entire pregnancy.”

“Check her temperature,” I ordered Cal.

Cal stood up and pressed a hand to my sister’s forehead. “Nope. Seems fine. Maybe it’s the exhaustion?”

“Might be a brain hemorrhage.” I stroked my chin. “I’ll take her to the hospital; you stay here and watch Grav—”

“Don’t you see?” Dylan spun in place à la Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. “Now I don’t have to be the bad guy. I’m not going to be the one who broke this family apart, who took the selfish way out. Tucker did it for both of us. In fact, he did something so inexcusable and selfish, nobody is ever going to give me shit for leaving him.”

Cal stared at her in awe. “Dylan, he cheated on you.”

Dylan shrugged. “It only hurts if you care about the person.”

“You must care a little.” Cal scrunched her nose. “You had a baby with him.”

Dylan sat back down, sobering up slightly. “As much as I love Grav—and all jokes aside, I’m honestly freaked out about how in love I am with this tiny creature—she wasn’t planned in any way. I’d been wanting to break it off with Tucker for months before I found out that I was pregnant. In fact…” She took a quick breath, glancing at me anxiously. “I had kind of…done a thing. I signed up for community college in Portland. Wanted to get a degree and start spreading my wings. I don’t know, marketing seems cool. And PR. I think I could be good at it. I’m an extrovert; dealing with people fills me up.”

My sister was the exact opposite of me. I felt drained just knowing humanity was still in existence.

“Of course, I withdrew as soon as I found out I was pregnant. And, sure, I thought I’d give this thing with Tucker another chance. I owed it to Gravity. To try to give her some normalcy. But Tucker just proved without a doubt that he cannot be trusted.”

I still wanted to break Tucker’s nose, just for funsies, but I had to admit, Dylan had taken the sting out of my wrath. If she didn’t care, I didn’t care. Just as long as the oxygen waster stepped up for his daughter and performed his co-parenting duties.

Thus ensued a hushed conversation between Cal and Dylan about Murray being a homewrecker (agreed), Tucker being an asshole (ditto), and tentative plans for Dylan to go to community college once Gravity got a little older.

I tuned out and drifted to the backyard once Cal began enthusiastically researching portable breast pumps for when Dylan was in college. “Mamushka can look after her. She’s been bugging me about giving her grandchildren since before I hit puberty.”

Once outside, I took a seat on an axed tree trunk and pulled my phone out.

Row: Changed your mind about joining me in London? Not a whole lot of people to fake-date in Staindrop.

Rhyland: I love you, man. And in order for me to continue to love you, I have to cut the cord. I’ve met actual cunts less cunty than you.

Rhyland: I actually really like cunts. They taste great too.

Rhyland: And I’m moving to New York, so no Staindrop for me. Anyway, how are you feeling?

Mentally, run over by a thousand trucks. It was hard to see Cal and not be with her. At the same time, I was an all-or-nothing man. And she had made herself clear.

Row: Like it’s time to find a new best friend. One who isn’t a sex addict.

Rhyland: You’ll get over her.

Row: No, I won’t.

Rhyland: You’re right, you won’t. But you’ll learn how to live with that hole in your heart. Just like you did before.

ROW

My hopes Cal would be gone by the time I got back inside after my trillionth cigarette break were crushed when I stepped into my living room. Cal was still there, massaging Dylan’s feet on the couch, watching some kind of a reality TV show with her.

“You’re still here,” I heard myself grunt. My default was to be mean to her if I couldn’t have her. But even that was growing fucking old. Making her feel like shit no longer got my rocks off. Because making her come felt so much better.

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