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“You think I would be able to live like that, thinking I had thrown you to the wolves?”
Mia, so slowly you would think she had frozen, brought her hands to her shoulders, gently bringing Harper’s hands down and holding them softly.
“I’m sorry. I really am—no, don’t look at me like that, I am. Still, it’s difficult talking about this when I haven’t heard from you in weeks.”
Harper’s face crumpled, her breath hitching briefly. A pit formed in her stomach.
“That was the one thing I promised to never do... and I did it.”
Mia nodded as Harper drew her hands away, knotting the tie of her robe and toying with the end of the satin belt.
“I can’t lie to you, Harper, that really fucked me up. It did. I had no idea what was going on with you, and I barely knew anybody else I was working with. It’s a little easier now that I know some people, but the support would have been nice,” Mia finished.
“What about your family back home?” asked Harper, feeling desperate and a little sick.
“The time difference is pretty significant. Any time I’m around for a call they’re all in bed, or the reverse. I haven’t had many gaps in my schedule, either.”
Harper couldn’t bear the thought of Mia alone with these feelings and having nobody to turn to. She thought back to when she was at a rooftop bar in Verona with the new cast of Romeo and Juliet and got a sudden call from Mia. The way she had thought the silence on the other line was because she had lost signal. The way she had heard what she thought was a hiccup at the end of the line.
Mia had been crying, alone, and the only person she had thought to call was Harper. Harper had said to only call back if it was important when called away by the movie’s director, and Mia never did. Had she not felt important enough to justify taking up Harper’s time? Apparently not. Weeks ago, Harper was here, overcome with the romantic idea that the only thing that could make her content was seeing Mia happy, and here she was, realizing she had failed.
“Oh... Oh God, Mia, how can I make it up to you?”
Mia was quiet, and Harper’s chest felt cavernous. There was a space there where Mia was normally, but the resignation in her eyes was telling Harper that she wanted nothing to do with it, with the love she had for Mia. Because that’s what this was, Harper couldn’t deny it any more. All she could do was watch it slip away.
“These shirts are so fucking ugly, anything you can do about that?” Mia joked, pulling Harper out of her thoughts. She got a good look at the t-shirt for the first time. It was a black shirt with a black-and-white print of Mia’s face taken from the side, with her name framing the image in a ransom-note-style magazine cutout font. It was, as Mia had put it, so fucking ugly. Harper giggled, which made Mia laugh, and before they knew it, they were both on the sofa, sitting side-by-side and laughing together. This felt better. This almost felt like it had felt before.
“I’ll see about taking on a new graphic designer for the merchandise, we can’t be putting out this phony Sex Pistols shit,” Harper declared, and Mia lit up, smiling from ear to ear. “As for your schedule, you let me know what times you need to be free and I’ll make it happen.”
The difficult part was coming next, but the moment was too sweet to let go just yet. Mia didn’t seem to be on the same page, though, and she shifted towards Harper with an unreadable expression on her face. Harper drew breath.
“If you’ll have me, I’d like to stay representing you. I’ll keep in contact with you, we’ll collaborate on a schedule instead of having me block-booking everybody I can find. I’ll be here to support you...”
Harper felt like a coward. She couldn’t even bring herself to say it. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Mia was now on the same page.
“You will be here to support me professionally.”
Harper nodded, noticing that Mia immediately stiffened up, moving away from her on the sofa.
Fuck. She had already started; there was no use in turning back now.
“I will still be around to support you, I promise. Reach out whenever you need me, even for the stupid stuff, especially for the stupid stuff because I know how confusing this can be and I want to help you.” Harper thought she was making a strong case. She almost believed herself as she went on. “I’ll be there at your big shows, festival sets, arenas in a few months time with any luck, and I’ll be cheering you on from side stage.”
Mia nodded, breathing heavily and avoiding eye contact. Harper leaned over to take her hand, but Mia stood and grabbed her jacket, smiling as if Harper couldn’t see tears welling up in her eyes.
“This isn’t the end,” Harper said, trying her best to sound reassuring. “I will still be here.” I will still be here to love you at arm’s length.
“I’m sure it’s for the b-best, really,” said Mia, stumbling over her words and visibly trying to keep her smile intact. “Your support means more to me than you will ever know, Harper, and I can’t thank you enough.” Mia reached out her hand for a handshake.
How very businesslike. Harper took it, both women squeezing tightly and holding on for a little longer than needed.
“I can let you out, I’m sure you have places to be?—”
“No, no, I can show myself out, don’t worry, you must be tired from travelling. It was good to see you again.”
“You too,” said Harper, sitting up on the sofa so she could watch Mia leave. She most likely wouldn’t be seeing her again for another while. Harper would miss her while she was gone. Harper would miss her while she was three feet away.
Harper would miss her for the rest of her life. But she knew this was for the best. It couldn’t go on so complicated.
