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“Do you have to be somewhere else?”
“Yeah, but not until this afternoon though,” I admitted.
“Good, then we can get to know more about each other, okay?” she asked, signaling I was clearly forgiven for leading her on.
Relief washed through me and I shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”
During the following two hours, JoAnn gave me invaluable insight about how to parent Layla in the future.
I had no idea why I trusted her, but like with Harper before her, I poured out my heart about missing my wife, but also shared how confused I was about what I’d done with Harper… and most importantly, my admission of doubt about my ability to be everything my daughter, Layla needed.
Listening quietly, she nodded, gave me paralanguage cues such as uh-huh, mm, and kept her eyes trained on me, even during times when I disclosed some of my more uncomfortable thoughts.
I already knew some of JoAnn’s background, such as how her mom had been a beautiful Hollywood starlet, contracted to the same studio as Leo and much younger than him, and that she’d died of a drug overdose when JoAnn was almost five.
After this happened, JoAnn explained she had been brought up by a series of nannies and was homeschooled by governesses as a way of her father managing her upbringing without much involvement from himself. I decided on the spot that if Harper ever left, my music career would be done. There was no way I’d pass my daughter from person-to-person to keep making music.
“People wanted Dad’s money or access to me as a way of getting some of it,” JoAnn disclosed, deadpan. “It took me a long time to realize they didn’t like me for who I was. They liked the thought I had access to my dad’s deep pockets. His fame and fortune made me a target for social climbers, speculators, and would be kidnappers. God knows how many death threat letters my dad received about me.”
“Hell, that must have been a tough upbringing.”
“It was, Leo Moranelli wasn’t only famous as a movie star. It didn’t help he topped the Forbes Rich List for years. His shrewd investments also raised my profile as his daughter because of the trust funds he’d set up in my name. That’s when the kidnap attempts led my dad to buy this place for me.”
From the various documentaries that I’d seen over the years, the iconic Leo Moranelli had a ruthless reputation as a ladies’ man to rival Hugh Hefner’s, and growing up even I’d been aware of the vast number of women her father had been linked to.
“Well, Sweetheart, you appear pretty together to me,” I remarked. “Why are you telling me all of this?”
“I’m making you aware of how my life has been growing up motherless with a father who is famous. Layla may be small right now, but she won’t always be. From all that you’ve told me about Harper she’s a genuine girl.”
“Oh, she is. I’ve no doubt I’ve seen her true colors. It hasn’t stopped me from being wary about getting involved with her, though. When I think about the attraction between us, I can’t help asking myself if Layla is our only real connection, and we’ve just been thrown together in this emotional situation.”
“Why should that make any difference if you’re both attracted to each other?”
Pressing my lips together in thought, I came up with a possibility. “When I’m at home we live a pretty secluded existence, much like you’ve talked about here,” I replied gesturing with my finger at her room. “I can’t help thinking had Harper and I met in different circumstances, we may not have looked at each other twice.”
“And maybe you’d have fucked one another’s brains out? Who knows? It is what it is, Cole. And for the record, I think Harper may be onto something. This could be the start, not the end. If, like you say, there’s a genuine attraction, why wouldn’t you go for it? I know you said it was because of Layla, but don’t you see, Harper will leave at some point whether you test the water or not. Who knows, she may stay? I can only speak with a degree of expertise from Layla’s position; it’s fucking hard growing up without a mom.”
“I’d never been adverse to take a risk with my music, women, or Grace. Everything was steeped in possibilities. Then one day my world as I knew it was gone. Since the day Grace died, I haven’t allowed myself to think about anything other than the love I had for my wife, my loss and distress at missing her and my daughter’s day-to-day needs.”
The empathy in JoAnn’s eyes for Layla’s situation crushed me because I was staring at a woman who had walked in Layla’s shoes. I loved the very bones of my daughter but hadn’t shown her as much love as a father should have.
I sighed, “I’ve not been the best father to Layla. Going on tour when she was so small, I figured she wouldn’t even notice if me being away became part of her routine. Now I feel…”
“You can stop that pity party, Cole. You’re not my father, and from the conversation we’ve had tonight, you care very deeply for your daughter. In fact, you’re sacrificing your happiness because her stability matters so much.”
“God knows, I’m scared to do anything that will bring a change for her. Maybe because I don’t feel totally confident I can give her all that she needs on my own. Like you already said, a young girl needs a woman, you know?”
“That’s a natural reaction given what happened to Grace and how suddenly life changed for the worst. In times of tragedy, money helps but it isn’t everything. Look around you, Cole. It provides a luxurious but lonely prison. Harper has been there since shortly after Layla’s birth, and you’ve always known you could buy the services she’s needed, but what about her emotional wealth and security? Yours or Harper’s?”
I nodded, taking in her comments and shrugged. “Well, JoAnn, I hate the thought of you being lonely, Sweetheart, and I definitely don’t want anything from you, but I’d be more than happy to call you a friend.”
Smiling, she raised her champagne glass in salute. “I really get you, Cole. To friends.” She clinked her glass and threw back her drink in one hit.
When I glanced at my watch and told her I had to go, we exchanged numbers, and JoAnn reminded me again to think about Harper and what it could mean for Layla and me.
“You’ve been so busy living in fear you’ve let it define you, Cole. Time to reclaim your life and remind yourself of who you are. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen. You can’t will it not to. So, stop worrying about the things you can’t control and enjoy the things you can. I’ll give you a call in a few days and we’ll talk again.”
Calling a car service, JoAnn pecked me on the lips and I headed back to the band house. Everything she’d told me made sense. For someone with such a disjointed background, she had shared her sound insight and I most certainly had learned from it.
