AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Angus has spoken to you?”
“Give me the letter.”
“Come inside,” he urged, and I shook my head.
“Give me the fucking letter,” I repeated in a more forceful voice, tears brimming in my eyes.
A look of resignation passed over his face and he turned, walking away from me.
Following him into his living room, he went to a small box over by the chair he always sat in and pulled out a long white envelope. I stuck out my hand to take it and he hesitated, pulling it slightly away.
“This is to help you, Cole, not to set you back, you hear?”
I gestured a ‘gimme’ wave with my hand and nodded.
Placing the letter in my hand, Dorian grabbed me and hugged me tight to his chest before I had the chance to move. “Angus told me he was with Grace when she wrote this, she told him she loved you but she was ready to go.”
Stepping back, I separated from him and shook my head. “No mother is ready to die when they have just brought a new life into the world.”
I turned away from him, needing to get out of his house, and ran outside into the cold February air. Feeling the wind on my face, I glanced in the direction of the house then over toward the meadow. If I was reading words from Grace, I wanted to be close to her.
My chest had never felt tighter, and no letter had ever burned my fingers the way hers had as I sprinted down the hill from my house and all the way to the boat dock. Ten minutes later, I was pulling the frost-covered canopy off our pontoon boat and climbing in. Five more minutes and I was on the island, standing in front of Grace’s gray marble headstone.
Scanning the hollow letters that spelled out her name Grace Harkin, I traced them slowly and stared through tears at the dates. The birth and death digits were far too close together. My beautiful wife had gone too soon.
“Baby, you wrote me a letter,” I hesitated, choking on the emotion in my throat before roughly swallowing it down. “I… it’s been six years since you passed, and you had no idea how hard it would be for me walking this life alone without you.” More tears blurred my vision for a moment and I blinked them back before I slid my finger into the seal and tore the envelope open.
Heaving for breath in the suffocating situation, I sniffed, my chest catching the sharp, cold air I took into my lungs. With a racing heart, I pulled out the envelope. To Cole, my husband, my lover, my life.
One page, two sides of Grace’s distinctive scrawled handwriting.
Hello, my beautiful husband. If you’re reading this, then my wonderful dad thinks the time is right. No, don’t shake your head; don’t cry. See? I know you well (smile). In life you gave me everything a woman could have wished for. A love that was pure, a life that was so full it often overwhelmed me, adventures beyond my comprehension, and action… plenty of action; both in and out of the bedroom (wink).
Was it too short? Absolutely. Are we angry about this? Yes, like raging bulls to a matador… I know this… me too. But I could never have wished for a better person to spend the whole of the rest of my life with, since I met you… and I did. You may not have realized this, but I was the lucky one. The one who got to live the perfect life with the only man who held my heart. The man who gave me so much love my heart was fit to burst every time he looked at me with so much love in his. You did this, Cole, and I felt it every day.
The ache in my heart made my eyes close, blinding me from her words, like I was shutting out the wave of excruciating emotions washing over me, coursing through me. My fist tightened, crushing her words in my fist momentarily, as dealing with them cast a heavy shadow over my soul.
Standing, silently I allowed my turbulent emotions to run their course until my strength returned and the tears subsided, before I smoothed out the creases from the paper and returned my focus to her letter again.
I want you to know I’m sorry. Sorry you didn’t get the happily ever after I had with you. Sorry you were the one left behind. Sorry you faced the future with Layla alone. But you see, Cole, had it been you who went first, I know my heart would never have survived the pain. God knew this, and it’s why he took me first.
Time is short, too short for all the things we needed to say to each other, but really the only things that are important to say are these. I’m leaving this earth with a settled, happy soul, but in so much pain I am resigned to my fate. I have no fear for Layla because I know if anyone can protect our daughter, and do what’s right for her, it’s you.
Go with your gut, Cole, it’s never done you wrong. I’d always suspected you were in touch with your feminine side with that intuition of yours (smile).
Now for the part you won’t want to hear (nods). Yes, I know you so well, as to know how hard my passing would have been for you, but, my darling Cole, it’s time. Time you let me go. Time you began to move forward. Time you put the wonderful memories of us to one side and learned to live again. No. More. Tears.
My dying wish is that you live for the both of us, experience that full to bursting joy in your heart we once shared together. Laugh breathlessly, get fall- down- drunk, find a beautiful girl and fall in love; fall for her so hard and deep it washes away our tragedy and the searing pain you carry in your heart. I want you to write her love songs, sing them to her in the rain. Hell, strip naked and dance in it if that’s what floats your boat… but I want you to feel the passion of living again.
Do this not only for yourself, do it for Layla. The rest of your life is a gift, Cole. You walked one path and now you need to walk another. Don’t walk it in pain and anguish; instead do what I know you can. Fly in the face of your sorrow, and love with all of your heart. The person you choose doesn’t deserve to live with a ghost.
Thank you for the tremendous joy you brought me, the incredible life that we lived, and the precious beautiful child we made that lives on, with you. You were my world and I was yours, but hear me when I speak from beyond, and say now is the time to discover another life that’s waiting out there for you.
My blessing is yours. Whatever you do, whomever you choose, I give you gladly to her, if she is deserving. My only wish is she loves our amazing daughter as much as we do.
Grace x.
For long painful minutes I stood silently weeping. No longer angry about the love I’d lost, my only feeling being immense sadness. Eventually the biting cold wind cut into my senses and stirred me from my trancelike state. I turned my focus to the letter again. Folding it carefully in the fading light, I slipped it into my jacket pocket and turned to walk back to the boat. Suddenly a sharp gust of wind unsteadied me, and I glanced back toward Grace’s grave.
