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With my focus less on Grace and more on day-to-day living, I began to feel stir-crazy being around the house when Layla wasn’t around. Sometimes I’d write a song, sometimes I’d spend hours on the phone with Fletch or Scuds, and sometimes I took Layla’s scrappy little dog for long walks along some of the boundaries to my property.
The novelty of being away from the manic band schedules became mundane. Most of the time when I’d felt caged in, my brother had come to my rescue. Occasionally he’d haul my ass off for the day to a ball game, or drag racing, and when he was feeling pretty reckless to gamble, playing poker on casino boats.
Being in seclusion, I eventually connected reason to my unsettling emotions and decided it was because all the new thoughts in my head were shoving my memories of Grace into the back of my mind.
Even though my late wife was my first thought in the morning and my last at night when I lay in the dark, the images of us weren’t as vivid and raw as they’d previously been, and to think they were fading pissed me the fuck off.
With my returning libido and only Harper for company when Dorian was away, I needed some kind of distraction. Luckily, it came in the form of Harper leaving to visit her family, which I knew from the previous occasion would result in tears and tantrums from Layla, but it gave both of us a much needed time out from one another.
Leaving home to attend her brother’s wedding in New York, Harper was expected to be gone for four days, which meant she wasn’t due back until Christmas Eve, but fortunately my mom and Grace’s parents arrived the day after she left and with her grandparents on hand my daughter hardly missed her.
During Layla’s previous five Christmases, everyone had ensured she was thoroughly spoiled, but this one was most important to me because I had wanted to make it as perfect as possible for her. We had been making great strides in our relationship and I wanted to work intensively on this during the festive holiday, because I had decided with the sixth anniversary of Grace’s passing looming it was time to take Layla to visit her mother’s island in the new year.
For a while I knew the day had to come, but no matter how much I thought about the best way to approach the reality of Grace’s death, I felt I’d always feel ill-prepared to face Layla. My heart was still sore after all this time and I prayed she never felt the depth of pain I did, so I had to be careful not to make the situation any more damaging for her than it already was.
Christmas Eve was a double-edged event. With Harper returning home, we were a full house, and all afternoon I found myself watching the clock as the time drew nearer to her arrival.
I didn’t miss how my heart rate spiked with excitement when I heard the gate buzzer sound as she unlocked them or the undefined glance that passed between us the second she walked through the door.
Angus and Dinah had spoiled Layla with a mountain of the most current range of popular toys, dolls, and board games, which were stowed under the tree, and a battery-operated, remote-controlled toy puppy for Christmas Eve which drove poor Spot insane with jealousy.
Envy was something I faced myself that evening. After dinner, Harper had gone to settle Layla in bed while my mom, Angus, Dinah, and I discussed an article in the news. Suddenly realizing how much time had gone by I excused myself from the table to kiss my daughter goodnight.
When I entered her room Layla was lying on her side; fast asleep, her arm tightly around Spot. I swear the look her precious dog gave me was, ‘Go ahead, try to move me, Buddy.’ I swear the damned dog knew he wasn’t allowed on there. I had forbidden Layla from having him in her room at bedtime.
Despite her defiance, I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my lips because the look of happiness and sheer contentment on hers made my heart melt. Closing the door quietly I made my way back down the stairs, and when I heard Harper’s voice in the living room, I wandered in to see her.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw my brother and Harper sitting shoulder to shoulder at ease, in a very cozy position. They were sharing flirty opinions about something they were studying on his phone, which he held on his lap. The sight of them together gave me the most uncomfortable feeling.
“Oh wow, this looks cozy,” I muttered in a sarcastic tone, as I wandered farther into the room and stood in front of the mantle. Harper threw me a look of indifference, and where I had expected to see a little hesitancy from my comment, I found none.
Instead, she stretched lazily and looked too fucking appealing for me not to stare. The slow and sexy way she moved mesmerized me.
“It is. Best Christmas Eve I’ve had in years. The last four were miserable, but I’ve had a great time today with Layla… and spending some quality time with Harper here has been the icing on the cake,” Dorian commented, oblivious as to how annoyed I was. Harper drew her hands down from above her head and placed them in her lap.
“Aww, you’re so sweet,” she gushed, back at my brother. Jealousy tore through me.
“She’s not paid to spend quality time with you,” I snapped. The snarky abrupt tone with which I delivered my comment even surprised me. I was useless at hiding my feelings.
“Indeed, and no money has changed hands between us. Has it, Harper?” my smart-assed sibling replied. His comment pissed me the fuck off and I couldn’t help myself.
“Ah well, sorry to bust up your little tête-à-tête, but Spot’s in bed with Layla. What did I say about that damn dog not being in her room while she slept?”
Harper unfolded her legs from under her ass on the couch and rose to her feet. “Sorry, Dorian, maybe another time; it would appear I still have work to do.” Her voice sounded flat, yet still dripped with sarcasm.
“Sure, I’ll take you to the exhibition next month, if you want.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Harper glanced at me with a smug smirk and flashed my brother a slow lazy smile.
“Thanks, I’d love that. What time does it start?”
“Oh, not until 8:30 p.m. so Layla will be asleep by then,” Dorian informed her with a smile.
Heaving a deep breath in my effort to control my temper, I widened my eyes at Dorian and turned my attention to Harper.
“Great, now that you’ve organized your social life, maybe you can focus your attention to the matter at hand.”
Standing behind Dorian, she slowly shook her head and flipped me the bird. “Of course, Cole. I’ll get to it right away.” The sweet tone she answered with was in complete contrast to her pursed lips and hand gesture, and to the ignorance of my brother who was facing me.
